The Mother of One

Long overdue Update

2010-12-11T08:40:00.001-08:00

I happend upon my blog this morning and found an anonymous comment to my last post. Life has surely been busy.

I had a baby boy named Yousef on July 14th. This one sweet little baby who officially sent us on a new journey one that was nearly 7 years in the making. We put off having children for a long time due to my husband's immigration situation so he is the ultimate symbol of a normal life for us. Life is just that. Normal. I'm still working nights but with a different schedule and less hours than I was before. This allows me to stay home with Yousef during the day, and my husband care for Yousef at night while I work. As far as my little men are concerned, I am a stay at home mommy. It's a lot of work but it's very rewarding. I haven't felt so happy in such a long time and inshaAllah it will continue.

Abdurahman is now in the second grade. He loves school especially math, and he does very well. He's a wonderful big brother.

My husband is working. It's long hours and the money isn't as good as when he was over the road, but I have a gread job and we're together. That's all that matters.

As for me, I'm healing. I'm learning to come to terms with what's happened in our lives, and I'm slowly moving on. I don't have those constant nagging feels like I did a year ago. It's still there just not as much. I'm loving this life we're living, and I wanted to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers during that difficult time in my life.

Lazy Saturday Mornings

2010-03-13T07:58:00.000-08:00

I'm enjoying some peace and quiet on this lovely Saturday morning. My husband is at work and Abdu is at Arabic school. I sit here thinking about the lovely breakfast of fresh croissants and coffee we just ate while watching my ever expanding belly bounce around. It is a wonderful feeling.

Life had been very good lately. Normal. Routine. Almost mundane. Still, it's good.

I really have no clue what to write, and really I feel as though my brain is on vacation. I think I'll go for a list. Lists are fun, right? If not, just humor me. Please.

1. Abdu is doing great in the first grade. His teacher believes in him and pushes him to do better. His abilities in math and science have landed him in a math mentorship program with Lockheed Martin. He attends a special class in a small group on Wednesdays, and he enjoys coming home to show me all of the "hard stuff" he learned. He struggles a bit on the playground, but things are improving. He's begun to take taekwondo classes after school and that has given him some confidence outside of the classroom amongst his peers.

2. Abdu is also doing great in his arabic and islamic studies. I've seen so much improvement in the last 4 or 5 months. He just seems so eager to learn, and he loves it when he does well. He's well behaved and polite at school....always wanting his teachers to be proud of him. My husband picks him up from school for some much needed man time together.

3. I'm still working nights in that Pathology lab. I'm getting much more sleep than I previously was, and planning for an extended hiatus(3 months) from work in July. I'll return to work part-time(30hrs/week) until I feel the baby is old enough to be in childcare.

4. Speaking of the baby. I recently had my first ultrasound and things are looking well. It was a long exam that included a meeting with a genetic counselor, a level 2 ultrasound and a fetal echo. All of this was because of Abdu's congenital heart defect. The good news is that baby looks great...growing on schedule with no apparent body or heart defects. I do know the sex, but I cannot share :) My husband wants to be suprised so I have to keep it a secret. I've only told my immediate family. You will find out with everyone else in about 4 months.

5. Husband is doing well. He's a very hard worker, and I'm proud of the accomlishments he's made in such a short time. We are now approaching 8 months since his return home. We have settled into a more comfortable routine, and I've been able to undo a lot of the damage that my MIL and SIL did to him while he was in Algeria.

I'll attempt to come back to update in a few weeks after I have my next prenatal check-up.

Pathetic attempts at blogging

2009-12-12T08:59:00.001-08:00

Looks like my poor little blog is getting more neglected as each week passes. I don't know what it is, but I've never been able to get into blogging like I wanted to.

I've been notified by CNCZ that I need a new blog post because the last one makes her bawl. Well, this is for you my fellow married to a crazy algerian sister :)

Deciding whether or not to share this with the world has been difficult. I wasn't sure if it was too soon, but here goes nothing....I'm pregnant!!!! Yup, I'm gonna have another stinky little half american, half algerian baby. I hesitated to share this with you all because in these 5 months I've already been pregnant, misscarried and pregnant again. I'm so afraid that I will somehow mess things up by sharing so please send a big mashaAllah and lots of prayers our way.

My hormone levels seem to be extremely high. I am sick to my stomach and throwing up all hours of the night and day. I'm exhausted, and I've lost about 6lbs. I normally would be super excited about the weight loss, but I'm just so hungry. Too bad for me because I can't seem to keep anything down.

We obviously haven't told Abdurrahman that we're going to have a baby, but he knows somehow. Any time I complain about being sick, he tells me it's that baby in my stomach that is making me sick. He says he's a genius and his brain told him about the baby. MashaAllah I guess he is.

I think he's going to be a great big brother. He's waited so long for this, and I'm super excited for him.....and for us. It's another step towards normalcy and towards putting this awful nightmare behind us.

OH....I haven't shared this news with my entire family or friends so if anyone I know in real life reads this please do not mention this to anyone yet.

Where to start?

2009-10-02T18:46:00.000-07:00

I want to start by thanking everone for their kind words and well wishes. I hope that you all had a blessed Ramadhan and Eid.

As you all probably expected, I haven't had much time for my dear little blog. What's new, right?

We are working hard to become a family again and meshing our lives together after such a long difficult time apart. It's not always easy, but this was expected. However, it sure does feel great when things go right. We're still ironing out all of the kinks.

Little things like smelling my husband's cologne when I walk in the door from work just grab me...it travels throughout the house. While my two men are still asleep in their beds, I inhale the cologne before crawling into a my not so big not so lonely bed. I find myself staring at him constantly, smothering him with hugs and kisses, asking him to look at recipes with me or test the food that I am cooking. Small everyday things that people take for granted that I had forcibly taken from my family over two and half years ago.

I find myself sitting on the sofa thinking about random things. When was that? Was he here when it happened? Was it before he left of after? It's all a blur. I have shed more tears in the two months since he has returned than I shed the entire time that he was gone. I cried for the loss of moments that we can never recapture. It's amazing how my husband left this little 3 year old baby and returned to a 6 year old man...he's a big boy now. He's loving having his baba back home. I have seen such positive changes in his attitude, behavior and demeanor in such a short period of time.

Please continue to pray for our family as we transition into this new chapter of our lives together.

I almost forgot to add that Abdu had his annual cardiology checkup a few weeks ago. Abdu's doctors played a huge part in the return of my husband, and the last appointment my husband attended was in 2006. The doctor was just so pleased to see my husband. She offered a congratulations and was happy that she could help. She noted many positive changes in Abdu's demeanor before giving us the great news ever. He had a CT scan and echocardiogram earlier in the day. She informed us that his heart has improved over last year in every possible way. All of his abnormal numbers have lessened. What this means is that although his aorta and valves are not normal, he is on the low end of abnormal....VERY MILD. Now instead of an annual check-up he can wait for two years. We couldn't be more happy!

I can't hold it in any longer

2009-07-23T08:38:00.001-07:00

My husband is coming home tomorrow inshaAllah. I wanted to wait. I didn't want to spoil it. I just can't hold it in any longer though. I had to share our good news.

Alhamdulillah our family is finally being reunited after 27 long months of harship and suffering.

May Allah bring us safely together in love, peace, and happiness. May he never let us forget the suffering that we endured. May he reward us for our effforts and forgive us our shortcomings. Ameen.

Travelling

2009-07-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

On a bus. 10 hours. Through the desert. Back to Algiers. More time with his family. Goodbyes. Tears. On a plane. Back to me. Finally!

He'll be home soon. I can't say when, but it will be within the next few weeks inshaAllah. We're not telling anyone here the exact day of his arrival because we need to spend some time together before Abdu comes home and before the visitors start. You know how the muslims are with their visiting and their congratulations...

I suppose I'll be back to update when he has landed. See you all soon :)

Takeoff

2009-07-01T05:19:00.000-07:00

Visa FINALLY in hand. Tickets Purchased. Shopping underway. Landing on.....wouldn't you like to know?!?!

Quick Update

2009-06-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that my husband is not here yet... He went to the U.S. Embassy in Algiers yesterday to turn in his passport. He will pick it up, with visa, in 8 days. InshaAllah he will be flying out the middle to end of July.

I have so many things to do to prepare for his arrival, but I'll let you know when I have an exact date. As always, please keep us in your prayers. Make duaa for him to have a safe trip and a relatively easy time getting through U.S. customs. I know they will let him in inshaAllah. I just don't want him to be there too long.

Almost forgot. Abdurrahman is spending an extended vacation with my parents. They will get to spend some quailty Abdu time while I rest and prepare for my husband's arrival. I'll be back soon with details. Thanks again for thinking about us.

The Reason

2009-05-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

I've been on a sort of high all week, and I've barely slept. I find myself smiling for no reason at all. I still can't believe that in a few short months my husband will be home and we will be able to finally pick up where things left off two years ago. I had begun to lose hope in the last month or so. I reached a point of such desperation that I began telling everyone that I didn't think my husband would ever come home again. This approval came just when I needed it the most, and I'm so thankful for it.

Many people have asked me why my husband couldn't return to the U.S. or why was it taking so long. Others treated me as if I had done something wrong. I must have done something wrong if I, a U.S. citizen, couldn't get my spouse status in this country. Those words hurt the most because what people don't know is that I have been fighting for him for over six(6) years.

I cannot give you the entire history of what happened to him in Algeria, beginning in 1991, or what happened after he left in 1995. I can tell you that he entered the U.S. in 1999 with fraudulent documents in order to apply for political asylum. He applied for asylum within a number of months, was granted legal work authorization, and his case continued for 5 years.

We married in 2002 while his asylum was pending and I filed a petition for alien relative in February 2003. In June 2005 his asylum was denied and we appealed to the Bureau of Immigration Appeals. While that appeal was pending, our alien relative petition was approved 2.5 years after filing. Because of the type of visa he used to enter the country, he was not allowed to adjust status here to get his green card.

In late 2005 his appeal was denied, and we prepared for filing with the 8th circuit federal court of appeals. We went on with our lives. My husband continuted working legally and I graduated from college. I began working and three months later, while our 8th circuit appeal was pending, we received a notice to appear at the local immigration office. I'd written about this experience before so I will not go into details here, but that day my husband was taken into custody of immigration officials. He spent 106 days in a county jail before ultimately being sent back to Algeria.

This is where things really become complicated. Upon his departure from the U.S., he received a lifetime inadmissibility for his fraudulent entry. Had his asylum been approved, this would have been forgiven. It's a common form of entry for those who fear for their lives because they have no other way. This meant that he was banned from the U.S. for life.

In the first months of his detention/removal, we were preparing for our interview at the U.S. embassy in Algeria. For nearly a year our interview was not scheduled because he had difficulty obtaining a police clearance certificate. We finally received that certificate when I was in Algeria visiting him for the first time last year, and his interview was scheduled for July 12, 2008.

At his interview, when most intending immigrants would be issued a visa, he was denied because of his lifetime inadmissibility. We were already aware that this would happen and prepared to file to waive his inadmissibilities. One for the fraudulent entry/visa overstay and another for the deportation. We turned in a 100+ page packet prepared by our lawyer outlining the extreme hardship we would face if my husband were not allowed to re-enter the country. One would think it only makes sense that a married couple would need to live together but that is not the case.

The paperwork was turned in that day in July and forwarded over to the Department of Homeland Security in Rome. It took 3 months for his paperwork to be forwarded because of lengthy background checks. It was received in Rome in October 2008 and we began to wait again.

Finally, just his week, we were notified that we had been approved. Most people have absolutely no understanding of the complexities of immigration law in this country. A great injustice has been done to my family in the last two years, but thankfully this is almost behind us now. My husband can return to being a husband again. He can return to taking care of his son who needs him greatly. Abdu will never have to be in the hospital again without his father by his side. We will be a family again.

I urge you all to please consider supporting American families United to help others in similar situations.

The answer we've been waiting for

2009-04-28T10:29:00.001-07:00

This past Saturday, I marked the two year anniversary of my husband's departure. My family and friends have faithfully stood by my side, and they held my hand that day to help me get through it.

All of our prayers have finally been answered. Today, I found out that my husband has been approved! I can't say anything. I've been screaming, crying, jumping, praying, and thanking Allah with every single breath.

I have happiness and a sense of peace inside of me that I haven't felt in a long time. I've had dreams about this day. How would we find out? How would my husband react? He was actually the one to call and tell me. I fell to the floor crying upon hearing the sweetest words, "Honey, we're approved." He sounds so relieved. I can hear it in his voice.

First and foremost, all praise and thanks to Allah for reuniting my family. Thanks to everyone, all of my brothers and sisters, in the real and blogging worlds. Your thoughts, prayes, and kind words have gotten me through this trial. May Allah reward you all greatly for what you have offered us. Ameen.

Time

2009-04-04T17:08:00.000-07:00

Isn't it amazing how quickly time passes? At this time last year, I was enjoying a glorious two weeks with my husband. I was able to meet my extended family for the first time. I was able to explore everything that is Algeria. I was able to be a wife again. My son was able to have his father again. We were a family.

So much can change in a year, and yet so much is still the same. I am a wife. My son does have a father. We are a family. Just a different family. A family separated by an ocean, but still going strong.

Conversations

2009-03-15T09:36:00.000-07:00

Me: Habibi I'm getting soooooo OLD!

Husband: huh???

Me: You know I will be 28 in two months. Why do I have to get old?

Husband: you know you still look 21 don't you

Me: What do you want from me?

Husband: So, uh... What are you and Abdu doing today?

HAHAHAHAHA I can't even take a dang compliment anymore. If he doesn't say nice things I'm all over him. If he says something nice, I think he has an ulterior motive. He just can't win and he knows it.

BTW I was just barely 21 when we got married and at that time people thought I was 17.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I know that I"m not old, but I feel like in the last two years I've aged a lifetime. I've got to start taking care of my skin or I'll look like an old bag in a few years.

I'm busy in the kitchen today so hopefully I"ll have a new recipe post(with pictures) real soon.

Meme

2009-02-24T09:56:00.000-08:00

This is a fun one I saw over at DP's spot. Here we go!

What are your middle names? Mine is Lynn and my husband obviously doesn't have one. Is this an Algerian thing DP?

How long have you been together? we were married on August 1, 2002. We're getting close to 7 years. WOW!! mashaAllah I was a wee little baby when we got married.

How long did you know each other before you started dating? We didn't date.

How old are each of you? He's 37 and I'm 27. I like to complain about the funky 40 year old arab dudes marrying 25 year olds. For some reason it's different and acceptable that my husband is a cradle robber. For them...not so much.

Whose siblings do you see the most? Neither. My sister is an undercover crack head. I swear. My husband's relatives are in Algeria. At the moment, I would say that he sees his siblings fairly often..like every day. I haven't seen my sister in 2.5 years.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? This dang separation. Alhamdulillah our marriage has been protected throughout this ordeal. If it had happened earlier on in our marriage I am not sure if we would have survived it. It's so hard to keep up a relationship when you're living an ocean away.

Did you go to the same school? Not even close.

Are you from the same home town? Again....not even close.

Who is smarter? I have more book smarts than he does, but he definitely has more street smarts and experience. I'm not saying he is dumb. MashaAllah he's a smart guy, but he just didn't have the opportunity to reach his potential with schooling because of the political situation in Algeria b4 he left.

Who is the most sensitive? Me. I've only seen my husband cry 3 times in our marriage: death of his grandmother, Abdu's open heart surgery, and the day he was taken into immigration custody. All miserable days, but well worth the tears. I wouldn't know what to do if he blubbered all the time like some men. This house couldn't handle it because I cry enough for the both of us.

Where do you eat out most as a couple? In true Algerian fashion, dude prefers to eat at home. we have a few favorite dining out spots that we really enjoy. Usually, if it's not one of those places, he complains that my food at home is much better and it didn't cost $60.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? I wouldn't call it travelling, but we drove a u-haul truck from New Orleans to where we are now living which is just over 1400 miles.

Who has the craziest exes? neither

Who has the worst temper? me. I've got major attitude.

Whoe does the most cooking? Me for sore.

Who is the neat-freak? I'll clean but I can't organize a thing. My husband is more into the organizing. He's got great ideas about how to keep the house clean, but sucky implementation of those ideas.

Who is more stubborn? him

Who hogs the bed? We stick to our respective sides pretty well.

Who wakes up earlier? Me. I'm always cooking breakfast and making coffee while he's lounging in the bed for another 40 minutes.

Where was your first date? We went with another couple to a greek restaurant.

Who is more jealous? Me, but he has his moments.

How long did it take to get serious? not very long

Who eats more? He does.

Who does the laundry? Both.

Who’s better with the computer? me

Who drives when you are together? He does because I do enough driving when he isn't home.

****Sorry for not posing the shrimp picture. I just purchased some more shrimp. I will attempt to charge my battery so I can take a picture. This has become one of our favorite dishes and we eat at it a least every other week.

Shrimp Scampi and Rice

2009-02-03T17:46:00.000-08:00

All types of seafood were abundant and regularly on our table growing up. My mom wasn't much of a cook but she often cooked sauteed shrimp and rice for us. Her version was simple and contained instant rice. Although I have fond memories of my mother's dish, my version is much better.

Shrimp Scampi and Rice

1/2 lb fresh gulf shrimp, shells removed and deveined
1 onion, diced
small pinch saffron threads, about 1/8-1/4 tsp
1 C basmati rice
2 tbsp butter
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
2 garlic cloves, crushed into a paste with a small amount of salt
1 tbsp dried parsley flakes
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 C clam juice
1 1/2 C prepared chicken stock

Cut cleaned shrimp into small pieces. If using large shrimp, they should be cut into 2-3 pieces.

In a large saucepan, melt butter and olive oil over a medium heat. Saute onions with saffron, parsley flakes and a small amount of salt until translucent. Add crushed garlic and cook for 30 seconds longer.

Add basmati rice and stir to coat with butter. Add desired amount of salt and pepper. Pour clam juice and chiken stock into the saucepan. Increase heat to medium high and bring to a boil. Add shrimp pieces and stir. Cover and lower heat to lowest setting.

After 20 minutes, remove from heat and allow to sit covered for 10 more minutes. Fluff rice with a fork. Serve with fresh steamed broccoli.

This was delicious. Abdu enjoyed it so much that he had seconds.

*picture coming tomorrow. I was so hungry that we ate without taking a photo. I"ll try to snap a pic when we're eating leftovers.

Babies

2009-01-16T06:55:00.000-08:00

Can I tell you just how much I want one of them?

There was a time, not too long ago, when I thought I didn't want anymore children. Babies are difficult. No sleep. Crying. No sleep. Feeding. No sleep. Changing. No sleep. Did I mention no sleep? I still want though.
I will be happy if Abdurrahman is all that Allah has written for us, but why can't I just have another one...like right now.

InshaAllah......soon.

In other news, my husbands case status has been updated from pending to ready for adjudication. Slowly but surely we are moving forward. Allah has given us strength through this long and difficult journey and I have no doubt he can get us through to the end...inshaAllah with a positive outcome.

Looks like I"ve been tagged

2008-12-27T14:34:00.000-08:00

5 Things I was doing 10 years ago
1. I was 17
2. I was a senior in high school
3. I was still living in my home state
4. I was preparing for college
5. Working at my first job

5 Snacks I Like
1. cheese
2. apples
3. strawberries
4. yogurt
5. chocolate

5 things I would do if I was a (multi-)millionaire
1. Purchase a home in the US and in Algeria
2. Purchase apartments for my husband's brothers and sister so they can get married
3. Send my child(ren) to college
4. Help those in need in my community
5. Pay my parents bills so that they can retire comfortably.

5 places I have lived ( for various lengths of times)
various locations in two different states in the US

5 Jobs I have had
1. pizza shop my senior year of high school
2. Picking my brother up from the bus every day and watching him during the summer-he has downs syndrome and i did this since I was in middle school
3. restaurant
4. mom/wife
5. Histotechnologist-current

5 people i tag

Lessons from a 5 year old

2008-12-19T11:52:00.001-08:00

This conversation took place between my son and I in the elevator last night.

Abdu- Mommy you know we have to reuse paper?

Me-What?

Abdu- Yes we have to reuse paper. Write on both sides.

Me- Did your teacher tell you that?

Abdu- NO! MOM! I told me that...

Me-okay, so where did you learn that from?

Abdu- Mommmmm! I have a good brain. I'm a genius.

MashaAllah. I don't know where he gets this stuff from, but most of us could learn a lot from the five year olds in our life.

Since we all like to eat...

2008-12-05T17:15:00.000-08:00

This is a really yummy dish that is very popular throughout Algeria. I'm sure everyone has their own version. This is mine. I apologize about the quality of the picture. The lighting is very bad in my kitchen.

TAJIN ZITOUN

Chicken legs or thighs, skin removed
1 onion diced
cinnamon
thyme, dried
1 jar manzanilla green olives, drained
carrots, sliced
salt and pepper to taste
butter
light and dark olive oil

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Clean and pat dry chicken. Cook chicken and onions with cinnamon and thyme in light olive oil on a medium high heat until pink color is gone and onions are tender. About 5-7 minutes. Stir often and be careful not to burn chicken or onions. Season with salt and pepper and add enough water to just cover chicken. Add a few tablesppons of butter. Brint to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer and cover. Cook until chicken is no longer pink.

Remove chicken from pot and add sliced carrots. Bring back to a boil and cook for about 3-5 minutes to soften carrots. You want them to still have some bite. Do not overcook because they will further cook in the oven.

Lightly cover the bottom of an oven=proof baking dish with good quality dark extra virgin olive oil. Arrange chicken in the dish adding the drained olives. Pour carrots and sauce over the chicken. Sprinkle with more thym, rubbing it between your fingers to break it down, and add more salt and pepper if needed.

Bake uncovered in a preheated oven until chicken is lightly browned on top.

Delicious served with warm pita bread and grilled vegetable salad. If you're really in the cooking mood, try serving with homemade french fries tossed with finely chopped parsley and onions.

Bon Appetit!

Update tomorrow

2008-12-04T23:19:00.000-08:00

how's that for a post? You might even get a recipe with pics. Who knows! I'll see ya'll then.

I've been commanded to update

2008-11-02T10:13:00.001-08:00

A fellow blogger friend of mine, Rainbow in the Grey Sky, has ordered me to update my blog. Can you imagine that? I always do what I'm told. So, here I am updating my blog. She better be happy because I don't take orders from anyone. Thanks for the encouragement. Lately, I haven't known what to say. It feels like my blog has become a place to whine about my sadness and many times I forget how blessed I really am.

How would you all like some good news? I'm about to give you some. It's BIG news too. alhamdulillah. My husband's paperwork finally has been recieved at the U.S. embassy in Rome. A decison on his case will be made there and we can expect an answer in 180 days inshaAllah. The received the paperwork some time in October which means we could hear something by April.

We had to contact our congressman to get some answers, but alhamdulillah we are pleased with the answer we received. Last saturday marked 18 months since my husband has been gone. On Monday we got the good news. I was feeling like I could not take another day and then this happened. Subhanallah every time I think I can't take it anymore, something happens to give me strength. Something to give me faith and to help me hold on a little bit longer.

My husband's first reaction was pure happiness. He can't believe that in just 6 months he could actually be home with us again. InshaAllah he will be. We know, logically, that it could take longer but we are just hoping and praying for a speedy approval.

Please sisters continue to make duaa for my family. Ask Allah to have our petition approved and have us reunited as soon as possible.

For now

2008-10-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

For now, I'm just hoping for a nice weekend inshaAllah. Eid was.......horrible. I had to work the night before and Abdu had school early in the morning. We had a nice lunch after school was over, and I slept most of the day. I don't have much motivation to get out and visit with people. Honsetly, I don't care about anyone else. I just want my husband, but I'll try not to think about that too much right now.

I'm hoping to get out of the house with the kid today. Right now I'm making tiramisu and for dinner we will have moussaka and breadsticks. Weekends pretty much revolve around food in this house. It keeps me busy and ensures that we have nice things to eat during the week.

I hope everyone had a nice Eid and enjoys the weekend.

Eid Mubarak!

2008-09-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

I hope that everyone enjoys their Eid. I pray that everyone's efforts in the month of Ramadhan were accepted.

I spent so much time making these sweets that I didn't sleep. I worked my night shift and came home and crashed this morning. I didn't even make it to the prayer :( Abdu got off of the schoolbus and we went to have a nice lunch. InshaAllah we are about to take a nap, but I didn't want to keep you in suspense any longer.

Here are my Eid Sweets....M'chawek, Vanilla Almond cookies, and Almond and Orange blossom cake.

Don't worry there were plenty more than this. My co-workers enjoyed the cookies and especially enoyed the M'chawek. They were surprised how quicly Ramadhan went and were thankful for the dessert.

Busy. Busy. BUSY!

2008-09-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm in the kitchen today preparing sweets for Eid. Expect pictures real soon.

UGGGGHHHH.....I"ve been tagged

2008-09-20T01:33:00.003-07:00

Just kidding.

Rainbow in the Grey Sky has tagged me. I wasn't number one, but I guess she didn't want to upset anyone's feelings so she had to keep me down at the bottom of the list. It's okay. I know she was just protecting everyone else's feelings. Right?!!?

Here's the deal: Tag 5 people whose blogs you read and you often think about. Easy enough, but how do I pick just five. Let's see what I can come up with.

1.Organica-she is my best friend in the whole world. I miss her terribly and that little teaser she just gave me wasn't enough. I often think about her future, where she has come from in the last 3 years, and her sucess so far. She is strong beyond belief. I hope and pray for her happiness always.

2.Rainbow in the Grey sky-my tagger. my cooking buddy. my fellow married to an algerian sister. I often wonder how in the world you lived in Algeria for 3 years without your husband. I hope that you are adjusting well to life back in London and back together as a family.

3. The Pioneer Woman-that lady cracks me up and fattens me up. One word...BUTTER. You go visit her and you'll see what I'm talking about. I'm always waiting for the day she announces the upcoming arrival of a new little punk to her bunch. Hey, P-dub are there any other ways you can think of to use butter? Wait, I'm not sure I want to know :)

4. Stranger in this Dunyah- Another Brit married t an Algerian. Where do we find all of you??? Anyhoo, she lives in the bustling metropolis that is Riyadh. Will I get to meet her? Someday, maybe. Hopefully.

5. Safa- I always always always think about you. I have been reading your blog for a LONG time. So long that I feel like I know you personally. I always think about how you are adjusting to being a single mom. I think you are doing an amazing job.

As promised

2008-09-13T02:16:00.000-07:00

This Ramadhan, like last year, has been a hectic one. My little one started kindergarten on the first day of Ramadhan. It's hard to believe that two weeks has passed by already. Two weeks with nothing really special happening. Abdu and I are just existing in our own way. We are getting used to his school routine, and I am attempting to fit in some free time for worship. At the moment, my goal is to read Qur'an a few times a week, pray the sunnah prayers, and make it to tarawih prayers on Saturday nights. I would also like to go over the small chapters of the Qur'an that I have forgotten. I find that they come back easily mashaAllah, but I have to work at it.

I haven't watched television in almost 2 months. It wasn't a choice but something that happened by chance. It broke in July and I haven't bothered to fix it. I didn't have much time to watch anyway, but now I have that little bit of extra time to do other things. MashaAllah it has been an unexpected blessing.

My son and I have been doing our best to have a nice iftar every day. I'm cooking some of his favorites and some new dishes too. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, but this Algerian kid of mine sure does. I watch his sugars very closely because he is an active boy. We enjoyed making

this one together.

White Chocolate Fruit Tart adapted from Allrecipes.com

INGREDIENTS

3/4 cup of butter, softened( 1 1/2 sticks unsalted)

1/2 cup confectioners sugar

1 1/2 cups flour

FILLING
10(ounces) white chocolate chips, melted and cooled(can use vanilla chips as well)

1/4 cup heavy whipping cream

1(8oz) package philadelphia cream cheese, softened(in ME they come in 250gm containers)

fresh strawberries

1 kiwi

1 peach, thinly sliced

raspberries

GLAZE

strawberry jam

DIRECTIONS

In a small mixing bowl, cream butter and confectioners' sugar until light and fluffy. Gradually add flour; mix well. Press into an ungreased 11-in. tart pan with removable bottom or 12-in. pizza pan with sides. Bake at 300 degrees F for 25-30 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool on a wire rack.

For filling, in a small mixing bowl, beat melted chips and cream. Add cream cheese and beat until smooth. Spread over crust. Refrigerate for 30 minutes. Drain pineapple, reserving 1/2 cup juice; set juice aside. Arrange the pineapple, strawberries, oranges and kiwi over filling.

For glaze, pulse strawberry jam in a food processor to break up any fruit chunks. When jam is smooth cook in a small nonreactive saucepan over medium low heat. The jam will become thinner and almost translucent. Remove from heat and using a pastry cover fruit with "glaze." The glaze will help to keep the color of the fruit. Refrigerate for 1 houre before serving. Refrigerate leftovers.

I thought this dessert was quite good. The crust tastes like one of those walker shortbread cookies, but the filling is too rich for my taste. I had two small pieces in about 4 days and took the rest for my co-workers.

NOTE: I used an 11 inch tart pan with removable bottom. It slides out of the pan easily and has a beautiful crust. In my pictures, the tart is sitting on the removable bottom of the pan. I didn't want you thinking it was sitting on the counter.

BON APPETIT!

Evacuations...again

2008-08-31T13:07:00.000-07:00

I was planning a thoughtful post in remembrance of Hurricane Katrina, but instead I'm writing about the terror that will be Hurricane Gustav. I'm almost in shock, but I remembered this is the gulf coast we're talking about. I lived through Hurricane Andrew and numerous other hurricanes and tropical stroms. Until Katrina, I didn't pay much attention to hurricanes. My family NEVER evacuated. We boarded up the windows and made sure we had plenty of supplies. During Andrew, I remember sleeping on the floor of my parents' bedroom thinking that this would be the night I died. The thing that I remember most from the other storms was the heat when the power went out. You can only be so comfortable in 90+ degree weather with stifling heat. I always sat in my house sweating while my little brother had his tv, games, and a fan hooked up to a generator. The little brat. He has downs syndrom and my parents were concerned most about keeping him calm and comfortable. Today, in order to keep him calm and comfortable they evacuate. They began evacuating the year before Katrina because he just became too scared and since Katrina they do not mess around. They left Saturday afternoon and headed east to Alabama. My mom, dad, brother and 13 year old neice settled their motorhome at a campground in AL only to leave 12 hours later because storm surges were a threat there too. They have made their way into the northern part of Alabama and will, hopefully, be able to stay there.

My sister and her husband have refused to evacuate. They live in the lower part of our parish(aka county to most americans) nearer to the Gulf of Mexico and on LOW LOW ground. Her husband went to get a boat. How stupid is that? Seriously, if you think you may need a boat then you need to leave. My 76 year old grandmother has also refused to leave. She would not go with anyone in the family, but they were finally able to convince her to stay at my parents house. My parents live outside a flood zone on high ground next to the river. If she won't leave New Orleans we at least feel better that she is there. Not confident that she is safe...just better. One of my uncles has decided to stay behind with her. I hope that they are safe.

I pray for my family's safety and for their property to be spared. I also pray for all those who are in the path of this killer storm.

Getting ready for Kindergarten

2008-08-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

My little man is growing up. He makes his bed and picks up toys in his room. He enjoys pouring his own drink and getting dressed. Now, he's picking out school supplies for kindergarten.

This morning we visited his school to finish some last minute paperwork. The school's principal was there and gave Abdu a little pop quiz. He counted from 1-10 and backwards from 10-1 and said his ABC's. MashaAllah, Abdu had a huge smile on his face when the principal told him how good he did. Abdu wanted to get out a pencil and start writing, but we had things to do. After we finished, we took a walk around the school building. When we walked passed the kindergarten classroom, I reminded him that he has to listen to the teacher and raises his hand when he wants to ask a question. He shouldn't hit or kiss people at school. Kisses are for mama and baba only. When we reached the bathroom, I showed him where the boy's room was. I took extra time to explain to him that he goes in the "man's room" and not the ladies. For his whole life I've taken him into the ladies room with me so it's a bit hard getting him to understand that he doesnt go in there at school. We took a look in the library and he told me that he is going to read all of those books. Overall, I'm satisfied with the school so far. We'll see how it goes in two weeks when he starts.

Just make duaa for my little man to transition well into the school environment. May Allah protect him. ameen.

A Request

2008-08-09T15:00:00.000-07:00

Saturdays are an all day chat fest with my husband. MashaAllah we are so lucky to have web cams to talk with each other. It makes the separation much easier. He likes to feel as though he is there with us. I take my laptop in Abdu's room and they "play" together. They watch children's Arabic videos. Abdu likes to show his dad how high he can jump or how hard he can kick his new ball. They yell. Oh boy do they yell. It's a load of fun just watching them.

My husband, believe it or not, even enjoys watching me cook. I will bring the laptop into the kitchen and give him a show. He oohs and aaaahs. It makes me feel great when he tells me how much he misses eating that dish and how much he wishes he could have it now.

I will even put on some makeup and nice clothes and my cute little apron. It puts a smile on his face. I know it is hard for him so I try to do what I can to make him happy. I try very hard to ease his pain. I let him know how much I need him and how important he is to me. He is very happy that I can be self sufficient and he doesn't need to worry about us, but it weighs on his manhood. For him, being a good father and provider are what makes him a man. I have to stroke his ego a bit. I gladly do that waiting for the day he comes home.

After inquiring about what I was cooking for dinner he asked me for something. His request was simple. He wanted a few things when he gets home. I had made a special meal before he left and he was requesting his returning meal now. HA! That man is crazy. He isn't even home yet and he's already thinking about food. When he arrives back in the US he will have: shorba fereek, sambousa, stir-fry, basmati rice, and salmon. I sure am one lucky gal if this is truly all he really wants.

2002

2008-07-31T05:33:00.001-07:00

I was a baby back then. I was barely 21 and still living with my parents. I was a perpetual procastinator and I dropped out of more classes than I passed. The previous year I bought a 2001 mustang. That car was my baby. I enjoyed driving to nowhere in particular with my windows down and radio blaring. I bought lots of clothes, shoes, and makeup. I ate out every day, and I had no real responsibilites except for that car.

I had decided earlier that year that it was time to get married. I was muslim for 2 years by then and well it was just the thing to do. I struggled a lot to fit into the muslim community. I struggled to forget my past and be taken seriously. Muslims that I knew before Islam had a hard time accepting me as a muslim and I needed to get away. I needed a fresh start.

As a joke, my friends and I registered for islamic matrimonial sites. While I put the profile up on a whim, I seriously hoped that it would work. I received, literally, hundreds of responses. I only responded to one.

Flashforward to July 31, 2002. That was the day I was leaving to get married. It was barely sunrise and I ran around the house like a madwoman. Finished packing. Got dressed and said my goodbyes. My dad was bringing me to the airport. He was very quiet on the way, but before I walked through the security gates he asked me if I realy had to go. I promised him that I would be back and gave him a hug. I looked back to see him crying. My parents had been in shock the months leading up to this day. I informed them of my plans to marry and move over 1400 miles away. You see, no one in my family lives more than 20 minutes away from eachother. I was the rebel. The one who would set off and forge a new life. A new life without them. They were terrified and to be honest it took years for them to get over it.

I reached my destination in just under 3 hours and stepped off the plane to be greeted by my intended at the baggage claim. It was the first time that we had met face to face. In just over 24 hours we would be husband and wife. It was the craziest, impulsive and amazing decision I ever made.

The next day my life took a new turn. I went from carefree young twenty something to dutiful wife and mother in a years time. I immersed myself in Islam and my husband. We were building our life together and I was satisfied with every moment.

I enjoyed being in a new place with a new identity. No one knew the old me. Just ME.

I sit here, today, six years later reminiscing on the life we created together. It has not been perfect. NO WAY, not even close. It was ours though. I can look back on those early moments and see an innocence and simplicity. It was a time before school and lawyers and immigration. I never thought that one day I would be forced to go it alone again. This trial in our lives has taught me so much about my husband. He is honest. MashaAllah he is honest. I can't say enough how much I value this in him. He is honest in a brutal way, but I will take that over deception any day. He is a great provider and an exceptional father. He encouraged me to go to school and supported me fully while I studied. Most of all, he has waited patiently for us to be reunited and for that I love him more this day than I did then. Alhamdulillah

Off to the market

2008-07-09T12:32:00.001-07:00

YAY!!!!!! I'm super excited about this. The community I live in has a farmer's market every wednesday in the summer. It lasts from July straight through the end of September.

The best part is I can actually walk because it's just across the street. I'll hit up the market and get some fresh berries, veggies, and I might even pick up some cheese.

I've got may TJ's canvas bag in hand and I'm slipping on my shoes. I'll let you know about the damage I do tomorrow.

Progress???

2008-06-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry for being away so long. Life here is hectic. We're dealing with rising food and gas costs like everyone else. A big alhamdulillah for a good paying job and benefits. I know that not everyone is as lucky as we are.

For the first time in 14 months, I can start to see some progress. Slowly but surely we are moving forward and getting closer to the day my husband can come home. We found out yesterday evening that his interview at the Consulate in Algiers is scheduled for July 12. That doesn't mean that he will be on the first plane out. NO! It is actually the next step towards the second phase of waiting and sadly we don't know how long that phase will be. InshaAllah it will top out at another year MAX. We will wait to see how things go for a few months after tlhe interview and then we will start making some tough decisions. Where will we go? Algeria? Louisiana? Right here? Only time will tell.

My little guy is almost 5. In exactly two months he will reach a big milestone....a half decade. WOW! He is enrolled in kindergarten and will be starting Quran, Arabic and Islamic studies on Saturdays as well InshaAllah. MashaAllah I think he knows more Quran than I did for the first 3 years that I was a muslim. I hope that he keeps his love of learning forever.

I'm enjoying the start of my three day weekend and awaiting the arrival of my mom next week. Did I tell you all what she's doing? Well, she's taking my son to Disney World for 5, that's right FIVE, weeks. He has never been away from me longer than overnight. He is super excited and I am so happy to be able to get decent sleep. I will also be taking my Boards to get my certifications while he is gone. I also hope to do a little bit of cleaning/organizing/throwing out of our junk while he is gone too. I will fly to Florida to pick him up the first week of August.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers, and as always you are in mine as well.

I realized some things

2008-05-01T12:19:00.001-07:00

That's me and my son at the zoo in Algiers. It was the most pitiful zoo I have ever been too, but we still had a blast. Check Abdurrahman out in his "Algerie" tracksuit. I hear it's a must for every man/boy who travels to Algeria for the first time. I even saw natives with the dang suit on. I have to say he does look pretty darn cute.

So, In my almost 6 years of marriage I have never ever seen a childhood photo of my husband. He could have come out a fully grown man for all I knew. On my first day I made my sister in-law get out the photo albums. I saw hilarious 1960's-70's era photos of all sorts of family members that I have only talked to on the phone or seen in pictures. My mother in law was so beautiful in her wedding photos. I was even "lucky" enough to see pictures of all the male family members circumsicions. Why in hell did she show me that I will never know.

I realized a few things about my husband and I on this trip. Every aspect of our lives was different until we got married. Looking at the crazy, cute, young boy who my son looks so much like was very heartwarming. He was sitting in the bottom row of a class picture. He was squinting because the sun was in his eyes. I've have heard to many stories about school. I noticed his old but clean clothes. His shoes caught my attention. They definitely looked like they had been through better days. I then looked around the apartment I sat in...4 rooms, 2 bathroms, a kitchen, balconies galore, and a washroom(for making wuduu and cleaning clothes). I noticed that there were 2 doors at the entrance. I learned that my in-laws had purchase the apartment next door in 1990. They tore down the wall inbetween and doubled the size of their home. I had to think about that really well. Nine children and two adults lived in a one bedroom apartment for close to 20 years. They slept in a row on a mattress in the the living room.

I almost felt guilty for living my suburban life in America. I went to private school, had the latest and greatest clothes and shoes, a brand new car when I was 15, and my own room in a 4 bedroom house. I knew we had more than others, but I don't always realize how much. While I swam in the pool in our backyard, seven brothers were sharing one bicyclye. It makes you very appreciative when you see how others have lived. I'm amazed that even they can look at others and say Alhamdulillah that Allah blessed them with so much.

What they didnt have in money, they sure made up for with love. They eat dinner together every day. I blamed my in-laws for a lot of things about my husband, but I have realized that they(like me) were just doing the best that they knew how to do. They took a difficult situation and made the best of it. I need to remind myself that although difficult, my situation could be much worse and for that I am THANKFUL.

365

2008-04-25T15:09:00.000-07:00

Today marks an anniversary of sorts. It was on this day, April 25th, exactly one year ago that my husband left. Did you all get that? One year...twelve months...52 weeks...365 days of my family being ripped apart.

I enjoyed our short trip together more than I can even begin to describe, but nothing compares to the emptiness I feel being home alone again.

I'm working to get my emotions under control and will post some happy thoughts soon....I PROMISE!

Don't know where to start

2008-04-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that we arrived back in the U.S. safely. I am back at work and Adurrahman and I are adjusting(slowly) back to our normal routine. I'm trying to gather all my thoughts and I don't know where to start. I'll fill you all in when I get it together.

Saying Goodbye...

2008-04-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

Yup, the time has come for me to say goodbye. Will you miss me? No need to worry, I"ll be back in 2 weeks. Two very very short weeks of stuff I can't mention on the internet with random cooking, sightseeing, mother in-law avoidance and all the things that go along with my little family "reunion."

I leave tomorrow around noon. With stops in Newark and Paris before my final destination, It should be an interesting adventure.

Thank you to everyone who offered prayers for us. I've been waiting 11 long months for this day, and it would not have happened without you all.

Love,
Umm Abdu

How stress manifests itself in my body

2008-03-25T12:16:00.001-07:00

When I get stressed, I get canker sores. You know those little painful ulcers in your mouth. I'm in week two of a nasty canker sore in the inside corner of my mouth. I haven't been able to eat, drink, or even talk too much. I moan and groan at work so much that my co-worker just tells me to sit there.

I hope it's cleared up before next week. Only 10 days left until our trip. So much to do and so little time. We'll make it okay. We always do.

Six Word Memoir

2008-03-24T12:44:00.000-07:00

Six Word Memoir March 24, 2008 • No Comments
The Rules

1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like

3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere
4 Tag five more blogs with links

5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Tru3woman got me!

Wrapped in his love again SOON

I tag Organic, Mumina, Solace, Umm Yehiya, and MissA

Have you ever wondered what I do all night?

2008-03-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

While most of you are sleeping, I'm busy working. I will tell you all a little bit about my profession, histopathology, and some of my favorite areas of work.

These summaries are taken from the National Society of Histotechnology website.

What is Histotechnology?
The Art and Science of Histotechnology: A Career to Consider

The birth of histologic technique dates back to 1664 when Robert Hooke cut sections of cork with his pen knife and observed them under a microscope. In 1670, Leeuwenhoek made sections from a quill, a bovine optic nerve and the centers of dried flowers using his hand sharpened razor. These events were the beginning of what was to become an important and unique laboratory discipline.

Histology is a structural science concerned with the demonstration of cellular morphology, chemical composition and function of normal and abnormal tissue. Many dyes and chemicals are used in histology and it is necessary to know their composition and how they act and react with each other. This knowledge, combined with an understanding of tissue composition, enables the histotechnologist to appropriately treat the tissue of interest. The end result yields a tissue section exhibiting distinct colors, making it possible to distinguish tissue structures through microscopic examination.

Histotechnology is a dynamic profession with new technology and methodology continually evolving. Once formal training is complete, there are numerous opportunities for continuing education via professional state societies and through the National Society for Histotechnology.

Scientist. Anatomist. Chemist. Medical Professional. A career in histotechnology is composed of these and much more. The search to unlock the secrets held by tissue structure reaches into many fields. It is through the skills of the histotechnologist that these secrets are revealed with color and clarity. Where such medical and scientific activity is pursued, it is certain that the histotechnologist will be regarded as a valuable member of the team.

If you make your decision to enter the healthcare profession and dedicate your life to the highest standards of excellence and integrity, your reward will include career satisfaction enjoyed by only a select few.
As a result of the histotechnologist’s skillful application of sophisticated laboratory techniques, the seemingly invisible world of tissue structure becomes visible under the microscope. Without the skills and expertise of the histotechnologist, many diagnoses could not be accurately made. Since this process requires a number of different skills, histotechnology is one of the most versatile of all the laboratory professions. The diverse tasks performed by the histotechnologist require patience, mechanical ability, knowledge of biology, physics, anatomy and chemistry; and the ability to work quickly but carefully.

Histotechnology is a career with many diverse specializations. The frozen section technique, which assists surgeons during patient surgery, requires the histotechnologist to perform STAT preparations of suspicious tissues sent from the Operating Room. Speed, accuracy and cooperation are critical. The surgeon, anesthesiologist and other operating room personnel await histologic diagnosis before proceeding with surgery.

With specialized training, histotechnologists may choose a career in electron microscopy. There, tissues are much smaller than those used in histology and are actually cut with the use of a microscope. Specific techniques and precise skills produce sections thin enough to allow the transmission of an electron beam to reveal tissue and cellular ultrastructure.

Another highly specialized area, immunohistochemistry includes the staining of antigenic sites to identify tumor cell lines within the tissue using various stains and antibodies.

Mastering these and other techniques, including certification by an accrediting institution, are essential in order to enter the medical profession of histotechnology. It is challenging and rewarding work.

So, there you have your generic description of Histology. I spend most of my night preparing slides for microscopic evaluation. I spend part of the night doing Qualtiy Control/Quality Assurance to make sure that all our testing is reliable and accurate. A recent case which involved a healthy kidney being removed instead of the cancerous kidny are just some of the errors that can happen in diagnosis of diseases. It was not known that that the wrong kidney was removed until a pathologist looked at the kidney microscopically on slides prepared by a histotechnologist.

I'm also very interested in specialized procedures of Immunohistochemistry. Some of the most valuable tests are for Her2neu and ER/PR(estrogen receptor/progesterone receptor) which are valuable for the diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer.

Enough of all the science talk. Hope you enjoyed getting a glimse into my career.

Check out that view

2008-03-17T20:41:00.001-07:00

So, looks like we found a place. I did some work on my husband. I totally scammed him into thinking that getting this place was his idea. I acted dumb and apprehensive about paying so much money. He couldn't say no. Alhamdulillah. He is supposed to sign the contract this week inshaAllah.

This place will allow us to spend some much needed time together without his extended family in our face. He's already made a demand list of food that he wants. I've been asked to bring: basmati rice(supposedely the rice in algeria sucks), red lentils, egg noodles, tahini(sesame paste used for making baba ghanoush) and worcestershire sauce for cooking his favorite shrimp.

It's supposed to be a relaxing vacation, but I've gotta leave him wanting more because who knows when we'll see him again.

Asking for some more duaa sisters. I really hope the apartment works out. We need it.

The Runaway Scarf

2008-03-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

The book The Runaway Scarf written by my dear friend Corey Habbas is now available for purchase on amazon.

Corey is an exceptional woman. She doesn't just settle. She constantly strives to be better at everything she does. She has shown me a sense of support and understanding in a non-pushy way through my entire ordeal. This post is a way for me to show her my support.

So.........go buy the book NOW!

I've got it!

2008-03-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

My son's passport that is. Alhamdulillah! This morning my son and I went out to do a bit of shopping. When we got home, I found the envelope containing his passport. I wasn't expecting it. I was surprised. I was happy. I actually fell on my knees and started crying right in front of the elevator. I feel that we are all the more closer to seeing my husband. It's been a long time, and I felt just so overwhelmed with emotion.

I actually haven't been able to stop crying. Iknow we stil have to get the visa and the flight and all the drama that comes along with that, but it really is happening. I sent my husband a text which simply said, "I got his passport." I can only imagine the smile on his face when he read that.

Thanks to everyone who made duaa for us. The power of prayer is truly amazing. I ask you to continue to make duaa for us and remember that you, my internet brothers and sisters, are in my prayers as well.

In the words of DictatorPrincess...Last week was THE SUCK!

2008-03-02T20:23:00.000-08:00

So, none of my weeks are all that fabulous but last week was exceptionally horrible. I was excited to find out that our passports were finished. I mean who wouldn't be happy to have them done in less than 10 days. Too bad they decided not to issue my son a passport until they get further documentation. My husband wasn't available to go apply with us and he couldn't give his permission. I had to fill out a special form, and I was assured that was a legitimate reason and not to worry. Now I'm worried. I had to get a letter from my husband's lawyer and documents supporting my "claim" that he was deported. InshaAllah that will be enough. I now have exactly one month go get his passport and start working on our visas. My husband is super upset that I waited so long. What can I say? I'm a procrastinator and I'm busy. It will be done on time and I just have to believe that. We have been through enough and if Allah has willed it we will make it.

On top of the passport issues, my babysitter is being a major butt. I am very well aware that everyone has their limit and what some people can handle other people cannot, but I'm about sick and tired of the bull she tells me. By wednesday I was completely exhausted. I had to beg her to keep my son so I could get some rest. She did it but not after lots of complaining and whining and a guilt trip from her husband. I fell asleep about noon and didn't wake up until 11pm. That's right...I slept for 11 hours without even waking up once. My clothes weren't clean, I didn't eat, and I was late for work. After all that sleeping, I felt so good I decided to email MulticulturalMuslimah. We've been planning on getting together. We made plans to go to the masjid on Friday. Who would know that by friday I'd be exhausted all over again. My son looked at me and said, "mommy, you're eyes are black. Go to sleep!" Dang I love that boy. He has a way of making everything better. He's too good to me and I love him for it.

After a refreshing and restful weekend, I'm back here at work waiting for my shift to start. Today I actually got some sleep. Combine that with 2 Enviga and a grande skinny vanilla latte from starbucks and I'm good to go!

Still gonna share an interesting/scary story with you, but I won't do it now. You know I've gotta keep you in suspense.

One step closer

2008-02-24T21:50:00.000-08:00

Today I purchased my tickets. Alhamdulillah! Our passports should arrive by the beginning of next week at the latest. It feels good to be that much closer to our trip, but there is still so much to do. Our next step, after receiving the passports of course, is to get our visas in order. InshaALlah that process goes smoothly.

I've got a crazy story to share, but I will have to save that tomorrow. Just keep making duaa for us.

BEWARE...Major Rant

2008-02-16T12:03:00.000-08:00

In just over a week we will be remembering a very important day. That day, February 25th, will be 10 months since my husband left. Wow...almost a year already. It's been such a hard year and a few things stand out in my mind the most:
1. April 25, 2007- arrive at immigration office. He goes into a meeting and never comes back out. They took him off to jail while he waited to be deported. My son and I sat in the waiting room in shock.
2. Months of hour long drives(each way) just to look at him on a video monitor for 20 minutes.
3. Middle of July '07-moved him to another jail closer to home. Trying to get him closer to the airport I suppose. This jail was disgusting. We were treated like the famliy of murderers, which many were and could only see him a few times a week even though he was so close.
4. August 9, 2007-phone calls from unknown numbers start early in the morning. I ignored the calls until I couldnt take it anymore. It was him. He was back at the immigration office and was leaving that day. I talked to him for one hour(a call which cost $150 btw) and by 1pm he was gone. I didnt' speak to him until two days later when he was in algiers.
5. Present-still nothing going on in his case. No interview date set. I feel as though we are stuck in the same place. We are no closer to him coming home than we were 10 months ago and that is so frustrating.

Thinking about that little summary makes me want to crawl in my bed and cry. I haven't had a breakdown in quite a few months. Once I start crying, I find it extremely hard to stop. My chest hurts and I can't breathe. I occasionally cry a few tears to friends**, but I'm left fealing even more alone. My pain often times turns into complaints about their own lives. I'm dealing with the most trying experience of my life and I feel so alone. I've tried to reach out to others in their times of need, but it leaves me pissed because it makes me realize even more how little they care about me.

One sister called every week to check on me, but even she has stopped. My husband's friends threw some money at us 8 months ago. The money is gone and so are they. I get the feeling that I'm forgotten because I'm american. I've even been told that I was raised differently so it's easy. I'm american and this is the US what's the problem. I've also been reminded that my mom is here so I should be thankful.... I guess by here she meant in the US, but that doesn't do me much good considering she is 1400 miles away. I've also been told I should be happy he's an ocean away. My pain has been ignored and I have been forgotten about. I don't expect people to drop everything they are doing to help me, but I do expect a litle bit of concern and compassion. That is something, as of yet, I haven't received.

Even more upsetting than the complete lack of concern are those people who feel the need to talk shit about me. One woman, who was sitting right next to me, yelled in front of everyone "where is the woman whose husband is in jail?" Then there are other women who talk about me in front of my face. They are saying my name and looking at me out the corner of their eye. I understand bits and pieces of what's being said, but I cannot confront them because they will expain it away because I don't speak their language.

I know this post is hardly coherent. My mind is a jumbled up mess right now. May allah give me strength to make it through the next month. I will be in Algeria for a visit in about 6 weeks. I know it will be hard when I return, but I'm hoping it will energize me for the rest of the wait.

**This post isn't about one person in particular. It's a small sampling of situations I have encountered with people of all ethnicities. If you think I'm talking about you then maybe you should think about how upsetting your comments were to me. If you don't think it's about you that doesn't mean I'm happy with you either. I don't expect this to make anyone suddenly care. Just trying to make everyone aware.

Nice Weekend

2008-01-06T16:20:00.001-08:00

I'm sitting on my sofa watching the clock until I leave for work in about two hours. Sundays are horrible. I really hate this day more than any other. I work tonight, but I haven't had any sleep since 8am this morning. Do you know what that means? Well, it means when I get home from work tomorrow morning I will have been up for 24 hours. The sad part is that it happens every Sunday. Something always happens and I cannot squeeze in any sleep during the day. It can be many things. Usually the reasons are: shopping, surfing the net, cooking, cleaning, playing with my son or any other ordinary activity. Today it was taking my son to the doctor. He's had a nasty cold since tuesday. We headed over to urgent care(which btw isn't really urgent since I was there for over 2 hours) and then to walgreens to get his prescriptions.

After our lovely day at the doctor, I realized I had not slept and was notin the mood to cook(as usual). We made our way over to our favorite spot. Noodles&Company is great! The kid got some yummy mac-n-cheese and I had a Bangkok Curry. OOOOOHHH that stuff is to die for! How can you go wrong with udon, purple and green cabbage, mushrooms, broccoli, red peppers and red onions in a light coconut cream sauce with red pepper flakes and black sesame seeds. MMMMM MMMMM MMMMM If you didn't just salivate then something is seriously wrong with you. The absolute best part of the dish is that it only has 230 calories. I even added shrimp and it still clocked in at under 300 cals. Not bad for a delicious and very nutritious meal.

Even with a sick child, I still had a really nice weekend. MashaAllah it was really relaxing. I cooked some new foods for the first time and just lounged around. The weekends are my time to unwind and just get away from all the stress of my everyday life. I did realize this weekend that my blog really sucks. I'm not too good at writing and I prefer to do a play by play of my day. Over at Tru3woman's blog she mentioned some of her goals for the year and it got me thinking about some of my own.
1. Try to blog more. I will never be an everyday blogger, but it really is therapeutic to get my feelings out there...even if no one reads them.
2. Finish my boards to become certified. I have been so exhausted. I've already paid for the tests once and the time expired before I took them. I have to find some way to squeeze in studying time.
3. Exercise 30 minutes a day.
4. Be more compassionate towards my husband. I feel like I'm doing the most in this situation, but I have to understand that he feels helpless. Constantly reminding him of how much he sucks will only make it worse.
5. Thank Allah more for the blessings I do have in my life. While it is not perfect, it could be much worse and for that I am thankful.

I'm hoping some time to post about what the previous year has given me...good and bad and how I should be thankful for both.

To the Algerian People

2007-12-11T12:13:00.000-08:00

To the Algerian people who want nothing more than to live quitly. To the people who go to work, spend time with their family, worship their Lord, and only want a normal life. The people who have already lost so much, but sadly can still lose much more.

I pray for all the victims and their families. I feel your sorrow from thousands of miles away. Know that you are in our hearts and prayers always.

Failure

2007-11-18T22:57:00.000-08:00

I fell at work a few weeks ago. I remember walking down the street. It was a cool wet night. I tripped on a slippery cracked sidewalk. In what seemed like slowmotion I hit the ground. I saw it coming and tried everything to stop it. Do you know that feeling? The feeling of trying so hard. Fighting against the inevitable. When you realize you're going down it's already too late. You brace yourself hoping to soften the blow, but it seems as though you are running towards the ground and then you hit. It hurts. You get up, dust yourself off, check to see if anyone was looking, and keep walking.

I'm feeling the inevitable slowly creeping up on me. Only it's more of a rush and less of a creep. Does that even make sense? All my efforts go unnoticed. Not a single bit of gratitude. I pour out my heart and nothing is reciprocated. I wonder if he notices how much it hurts. He is never satisfied despite my best efforts. I mean it when I say this is my absolute best and it scares me that it's never going to be enough. Failure is inevitable.

How do I accept failure when there is so much at stake? I don't really have much of a choice. Unfortunately.......I see the ground getting closer and closer.

It's been a while....as always

2007-11-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

So, as you all know yesterday was Halloween. Please spare me the lesson on how halloween is haraam and I'm going to hell and all that jazz because quite frankly I don't care what you think. My son has been dying for a cake for months. I decided to make an early AM stop at Supertarget to buy supplies so me and my little man could make cupcakes. He has no clue what Halloween is but I insisted that we buy everything needed for Spiderweb and Pumpkin cupcakes. We had a lot of fun and they were really yummy too. All he keeps telling me is thanks for the cut-cakes mom...I love you :).

If only life were so simple. If only cut-cakes made everything better. Maybe just maybe if I stopped worrying so much and try to enjoy each day I might begin to feel much better

There quite a few things to do this week(and by this week I mean before friday) so I better get moving.

1. Pay auto insurance. Apparently if you don't pay your bill for two months they cancel your insurance and then send you a letter saying if you don't pay they will send your bill to collections. *note to self..buy stamps so you have no excuse. Checks won't mail themselves*

2. Buy stamps *see note number 1*

3.Pay husband's trucking bill from his last job. Apparently they don't accept phone calls from jail and the husband felt no need to tell me. *Again make sure you buy stamps you idiot because like you can't do anything without them*

4. Make payment on furniture. See a pattern here? *For the last time buy the damn stamps and if you just can't do it sign up for online payments*

5. Finish pumpkin cupcakes. Throw out food coloring because the kid wants to put it on everything and not just cut-cakes.

6. Homework. *Sigh* Will this madness ever end? Oh yes it will. December 14th baby and then I'm done. I decided I cannot handle another minute of school until my husband returns.

7. Find hijabified pics of me and my husband. Looks like some people might not believe my 5 year marriage is the real deal so I need proof. *For years I've been telling you to take pics as a family and all I can find is two crappy pics when Abdurrahman was a baby. They'll never believe you now*

8. Try really hard to find 2004 tax return. If you fail, get copy from IRS.

9. Pay coinsurance for doctors visits, catheterizations...etc *MORE bills what's wrong with you. Better be happy you got a job. Say Alhamdulillah and then start writing. Those checks won't fill out themselves*

10. Sleep.

11. W0rk

12. Eat *You should think less about food and more about the rest of your list*

whatever else I forgot can't be too important right?

I'm not sure if I can do this

2007-10-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

Ya Rabb! please help me.

I want to finish my Bachelors degree, and with all my transfer credits I can be done in two years inshaAllah. I am majoring in Health Information Systems and am attending a reputable online university. I've taken online classes before so I was thinking it wouldn't be too bad.

This weekend I was finally able to access my classes. I'm taking a required free/no credit value course and an IT course. It's called Communication Strategies for IT professionals. This class is the real deal. DAMMIT! Just browsing through the course i nearly popped a vein in my neck.

I'm just trying to get myself back into groove of schoolwork again.

Oh Allah please let me get through this.

Where are you?

2007-09-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

Where are you when I'm all alone in bed? It's been almost 5 months since we were next to eachter. Five months without feeling your strong arms around me. Five months pretending to be strong while falling apart inside. Five months trying to remember our last night together.

Where are you when he asks about you? He doesnt remember the last time he saw you, but I do. You were taken into a room never to be seen again. We sat between a glass window crying over two telephones. We couldn't believe it happened, but he just didn't understand. When we got up to go our separate ways he waited for you to come through the door, but you never did. He repeated the story we told him for four months. He loved visiting you every weekend until that day in August when you got on a plane and the visits stopped.

Where are you when I need you? The only man I've ever truly loved, the man who has been my husband for five years, the man who held my hand so tightly and kissed my cheek that morning in April when you left.......where are you?

I will think about where you are every day until I can say you are here with me again.

I miss him!

2007-08-12T00:25:00.001-07:00

well, the title pretty much says it all.

Would you like some "sugar" with that coffee?

2007-07-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

It's 10:30 pm and I just got to work. I leave early to drop my son off so he can go to bed at a resonable time. This means that I arrive to work at least 45 minutes early. I make my walk over to Starbucks to get my caffeine fix so I can make it through the night.

I braved the light rain, the humidity, and the dozens of somali men just to get it. Now, I have nothing wrong with men getting coffee, but I do have a problem with men who sit at the coffee shop all night every night while their wives are at home with the kids. When do they have time to make all those babies anyway? I can't imagine very much when you're socializing to all hours of the night. I tried to make excuses. Maybe they are taxi drivers working at night? There was only one taxi in the parking lot. This starbucks is known in Somali communities around the world as the place to see and be seen, so it should be no surprise that it is filled with people from opening until way passed closing time.

I always feel molested when I walk in that place. I'm a modest sister mashaAllah. I'm completely covered and I don't pay much of any attention to the men. I walk to the counter, order my drink and then walk out of the door. I get the usual Assalamu Alaikum sister as I'm standing in line, as they open the door for me, or even from across the parking lot. It make me want to knock someone out. Do they act this way with their own women or do they feel like I'm free game because I'm caucasian and obviosly out way too late?(notice the sarcasm) My family has to eat and with my husband incognito I'm it.

So, tonight I grabbed my drink( chai latte with soy milk and sugar free vanilla....way YUMM) and head over to the counter to put in some splenda. Next thing I know there is a middle aged man standing right next to me. I make a point to act as if I have no clue he is standing there. He's fiddling with the sugars, playing around with napkins, inspecting the half and half. He's obviously looking for something to do before he bothers me. And then I hear it:

Interested man: Assalamu Alaikum sister...he said sister just so he didn't feel guilty I suppose.
Me: Wa alaikum salaam...said in a completely monotone voice without even looking his way
Him: So, sister do you work at the hospital? Are you a nurse?
Me: Yes, I work in the pathology lab....I know I should just say yes and move on but I wanna see where this perv is going
Him: OH......MASHAALLAH! are you a lab technician?
Me: NO, I'm a Histotechnologist. Salamu alaikum as I'm walking out the door.

And then he has the balls to follow me and this is where his pervish ways really come out.

Him: Sister I have a business and I'm looking for someone. Maybe you can work human resources?
Me: Well, I have a medical degree.
Him: Maybe you can be a medical secretary, can I have your number?
Me: Well, why would I want to be a secretary for you when I have an excellent job with great benefits just across the street? Again......SALAMU ALAIKUM!

Can you believe this? I have a right to go in that Starbucks any time I well please and grab my coffee without feeling like a piece of meat on display. Wearing my hijab/jilbab I get more respect from most non-muslim men than I get from some muslims. It's absolutely sickening.

If any of you dirty old/young/married/single/divorced men out there are reading this: SHAME ON YOU!

Limbo

2007-06-24T09:41:00.001-07:00

Looks like my family is still stuck in limbo. My husband isn't gone, but he still isn't home. As he sits in a jail cell waiting for his flight back "home", it's getting harder and harder.

Jail can turn even the best of people into the worst. I see him, day by day, getting more angry and more bitter. I'm trying my best to keep his spirits up, but I am close to failing. It's hard for me to say this. I almost feel guilty for thinking it, but I wish they would hurry up and send him back already. I'm tired of the waiting and the uncertainty. He won't be here with us, but at least he would be out of there. He feels the same way.

I've had an interesting week. One thing really reminded me that there are good people out there. I forgot my lunch and headed down to the cafeteria for a quick bite. I was looking at the items on the grill. I had my heart set on a grilled cheese, but remembered they cooked all kinds of meat on that grill. As I turned to walk away, the cook said I can clean the grill for you if you like. He went to town. It took almost 5 minutes. He scraped it really good. He used soapy water and lots of towels. He told me he respected my religion and asked what I would like. As he started fixing my grilled cheese, he asked if I liked tomatoes. I do. He made me one of the most delicious grilled cheese and tomato sandwhiches I have ever eaten. I was so thankful. He made my day.

When I start to feel sorry for myself and think that everyone in the world hates us and has it out for muslims, it's people like that cook who restore my faith in humanity.

I'd love to hear of other's similar experiences as well.

Life is going on

2007-05-27T14:53:00.000-07:00

I went for a week long vacation to Disney World with my parents. It was lots of fun. My son got a great tan and I had some much needed relaxation. I felt very guilty for going on vacation while my husband was being detained, but he made it very clear that we needed an escape from reality(even if only short-lived).

My son visited his father for the first time yesterday. It wasn't as difficult as I had expected, and my husband loved seeing him. He looked good. Well, about as good as anyone can look in an orange jumpsuit. We gave a goodbye hug and kiss to the video monitor. He will be on a one-way trip back to Algeria some time next week.

I'm busy packing his suitcase. I cleaned his clothes and folded them really nice. I got a coffee cup and saucer for his mom and some nice soap and lotion for his sister. I'm hoping to put a card and some pictures in there too.

Life is going on. I'm still working. I'm still loving it.

Today I made succotash and rice, cleaned my entire house, and looked for jobs in gulf countries.
There are quite a few openings at hospitals throughout the region, and inshaAllah I can get one of them.

Thanks to everyone for their support. Just keep making duaa for us.

The worst day

2007-05-08T13:31:00.000-07:00

It was a Tuesday, three weeks ago today, when she received that dreaded letter. It was the letter that told her it all might be over.

She called her husband's lawyers. After reading him the letter he replied, "oh SHIT!" That wasn't exactly the response she wanted to hear. The meeting was rescheduled for the following Wednesday.

The night before she cooked his favorite meal. They sat and talked. They put their son to bed and cuddled on the sofa for over an hour. She couldn't help but think this was their last night together. She had to wake up at 1am for work so there wasn't much time to enjoy.

She woke up and put in her 8 hour shift. She came home to find the man, whom she called her husband for five years, finishing packing his belongings. He had written down all important phone numbers and addresses. He left all his credit cards and bank account information on the table. As she cried he wiped her tears and hugged her tightly. He whispered in her ears that InshaAllah they would be returning home together. The whole drive there he clenched her hands tightly. She didn't want to go inside. They met their lawyers in the lobby.

Soon after they were walking through a door that read: Detention and Removal. There wasn't enough space in the small room for him, his two lawyers, her and their son. She waited outside not knowing this would be the last time she saw her husband face to face. The little one needed to go to the bathroom. One of the lawyers found her and said she needed to go home and get his passport. Things weren't looking good. They were negotiating very hard. They were pulling everyone in the building that they thought could help, but no one could. She came back with the passport a mere 20 minutes later and heard those dreaded words, "I'm so sorry about your husband." She nearly fell to the ground. She still didnt' believe they would take him.

She went downstairs and had to talk to her husband from behind a glass window. They gave her his belt and the money from his pocket. Was this really what their life has come to.

I tell this story, still not really believing that we are the same person. I don't know if I really realized that this is my life. Some days I try and tell myself that this i some other woman and not me. How could this happen? I am a U.S. citizen and so is our son. We have been married for nearly 5 years. He is a model resident. He works hard, pays his taxes, showed up for every meeting and interview, and has never EVER got into one bit of trouble. So, why did they take my husband? Quite simply, because they can. Because some bitch of a judge ruled that he was in assylum only proceedings and cannot get his visa through our very valid 5 year marriage. They don't seem to care that our son has a congenital heart defect or that we have not one single family member in this entire state to help us. I have to drive over an hour to visit him for only 20 minutes over a video monitoring system. He is treated like a common criminal although he has committed no crime. I guess when you look like the "bad guys" you get treated as such even if you are of the good ones.

Thank you to the entire U.S. Immigration System for screwing up our life. For losing every bit of human like qualities you once had, and making me explain to my 3 year old son why his dad was crying and where did he go.

I don't usually talk about my personal life, but I am asking that you all please make duaa for our family that we can be reunited soon. With faith and trust in Allah anything can happen and that is just about all I have at this moment.

She had pretty pink toes

2007-04-14T14:13:00.000-07:00

I walked into the room and looked closely at her perfectly shaven leg. I glanced down at her foot and noticed how she painted her toenails the nicest shade of pink. It was a soft, pastel pink with a bit of shimmer. I thought about how nice the color was and how good it would look on my own nails.

I met her the day before.

A trail of blood led the way from the basement elevator to the morgue. I hadn't noticed it until my newest friend was put in the cooler. I had nothing to clean the mess and called housekeeping to take care of it. I went back upstairs and enjoyed my roast beef sandwhich. The day went on and i tried to put her out of my mind.

After our weekly staff meeting the next day, I walked into another room and we met again. Sitting on the table was a monstrous leg. An entire leg. It looked so different not wrapped up. Since dealing with people's body parts I have become somewhat desensitized, but this one hit me hard. She was diagnosed with chondrosarcoma. It was quick and it was aggressive. Just weeks earlier we received a biopsy and cancer was confirmed. It has spread so quickly that her leg had to be amputated from the hip down.

I noticed the blood pooling on the underside of her leg. Shen, our pathologist assistant, began his examination. He took random sections of skin, fat, and muscle from the leg. He took out the saw and began cutting away at her bone. It was almost too much to take. I walked out of the room, sat at my microtome, and began to finish my work. It was hard to concentrate with the sawing going on next door, but soon it was over.

I imagined the 60 year old woman and how she must have felt the night before. She so carefully and painstakingly shaved her leg. It was perfect. I bet she even put nice lotion on too. She painted her toenails and said goodbye to her leg for the last, and probably the first, time ever.

When you lose a limb or your sense of mobility early on you can adapt much easier. Of course, even that is difficult too. Can anyone tell me how a person who had two legs for over sixty years adjust to life with one leg. How will such a huge wound heal? She will not even be able to wear a prosthesis. How will she cope? How will she handle it?

I really thought about this woman a lot last night, and it made me reflect on my own life. The truth is that sometimes, many times, we are dealt some type of hardship. People are living a series of tests and trials. We handle it because we have no other choice. The only choice we have is to remain positive in times of adversity and not let it get us down.

I never got to see her face, but she did impact my life. I'm going to start doing more things to make the best of what I have before it's gone, and I know just where to start: paint my nails and shave my legs and hope I never have to say goodbye.

Be Proud

2007-03-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

Today, I was talking with my dear friend OrganicMuslimah and we were talking about this post by Ali Eteraz that was a topic of discussion over at Cairogal's blog.

We talked about how convert women, like myself, get sucked into this idea that trying to be arab makes them more muslim. Like if they don't become completely arabized they are less muslim than somone else. I hate this idea. I hate it because throughout my marriage it has been pushed on me by my husband. He will be loving up some american goodness one day and drooling over the thought of the arab woman the next day. Since when is Islam about a certain ethnicity? We are told that culture isn't inherently bad. Culture is actually okay. It can be a good thing as long as it doesn't interfere or directly contradict the religion. Even our prophet told us that arab is no better than non arab, white no better than black. We will only be judged on our piety and devotion to God. If this is true, then why do we demand converts to forget everything about themself and become an arab woman?

The truth is that we will never be an arab woman. We were destined to be where we came from. Every bit of who we are shaped and molded us into the people we were today, and I wouldn't give a second of that back. I'm proud of who I am and where I came from. I wear my home on my sleeve so to speak. I will shout from the rooftops that I'm from New Orleans and I say it with every bit of happiness inside. I can make jambalaya, watch the Saints lose or win and love them either way, suck crawfish heads with the best of them, and throw beads at my son telling him to yell "Throw me something mista!" and still all the while be a muslim. The two don't contradict eachother.

I hope that all of us can be proud of where we came from and the journey we took to get where we are today.

"The people of New Orleans have their own language. Its tone, lilt, and slang are indigenous to this city and reflect its ethnic history and tradition. New Orleans is part of the deep south, but you won't find a stereotypical southern drawl." - Unknown New Orleanian

"New Orleans is my essence, my soul, my muse, and I can only dream that one day she will recapture her glory. I will do everything within my power to make that happen and to help in any way I can to ease the suffering of my city, my people!" - Harry Connick Jr.

Be PROUD!

You're Fired! Wait, this isn't the Apprentice...I'm Hired!

2007-01-24T15:44:00.000-08:00

Yes, I got a job. My first interview hadn't gone too well. I didn't get that job. I didn't want it anyway. The lab was terrible. The location was too far away. So, alhamdulillah. I applied for another position and less than one week after filling out the application I was hired.

The lab is awesome. It's a very busy University hospital.

Tons of surgeries+Tons of research=A great place to start my career.

I'll spend most of my time in the lab, but one week a month I will be assisting in autopsies. The hospital does just over 150 autopsies/year so that week should be very interesting. The benefits are awesome. The pay is way more than I was expecting. MashaAllah.

This job, for me, is proof that Allah will never leave you. It's what I asked for. It's just what I needed. I ask Allah subhana wa ta ala to guide me and give me strength in this new time of my life. Ameen.

Louisiana 1927.........Louisiana 2005

2007-01-23T10:57:00.000-08:00

This is the famous Randy Newman song "Louisiana 1927." It now holds a special place in the hearts of many New Orleanians. I thought I would share this emotional live version of the song performed by Aaron Neville. Enjoy!

Please consider donating money to various organizations such as The Red Cross or Habitat for Humanity to help those people in Louisiana and the Gulf Coast still suffering from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Interviews, Arab Restaurants, and Vomit

2007-01-08T21:16:00.000-08:00

Today was the day of my interview. I feel like a complete idiot. I totally wasn't prepared for the 30 questions I was asked. It was bad enough i had to answer them, but to watch the interviewer write down my stupid answers was the worst. Last night I tried to go over possible questions and I was asked some of them, but some of the questions were so off the wall. I think I did okay. Not great. No terrible. Just okay.
After the interview I got a tour of the microscopic size lab. I swear it is no bigger than my living room. I trained at a very large hospital with every piece of modern equipment. If it was some new technology they had it. I became very spoiled and the thought of going back to old-school histology with hardly any automation freaks me out. A decision will be made by next week. I have applied at another hospital. A bigger hospital downtown. So, let's just hope this one is better.

I picked up my son from a good friend's house. Let me tell you, her kids are mashaAllah some of the cutest I've seen. After visiting for quite some time, we had to get going. My son was so hungry and the thought of sitting in traffic for 45 minutes and waiting for me to cook when we got hom was making him cranky. We stopped at a local arab restaurant/store. I got a half rotisserie chicken, rice, salad, pita bread, baba ghanoush, and two drinks for 10 bucks. What a deal! Two people can spend about that much at McDonalds. We ate. The food was delicious. We had our fill and still left with plenty left-overs. I always enjoy eating-out with my son. He's a great companion. I'd take him over someone else anyday.

My son went to bed early. It was around 7:45. He's had a runny nose and cough and I just had noticed a fever. He took some meds and was soon fast asleep. He awoke just before 9pm. He came out of his room ad sat by me on the sofa. He asked for blankets, water, and for me to turn off all the lights. As we laid in the dark on the sofa he asked me for milk. When i brought it to him he took two sips and began to vomit all over himself, his blankets, and my lovely sectional sofa. He went straight to the tub. The blankets went to the washing machine and I went to work cleaning. After a quick trip to walmart, we are now home. He is feeling much better so far. Please remember the little guy in your prayers.

Muslim Country Helping with Katrina Recovery

2007-01-06T13:57:00.000-08:00

Loyola gets grant from Arab kingdom
Saturday, January 06, 2007
By John Pope
taken from www.nola.com

Loyola University has received $1.4 million from Qatar in the last installment of the $100 million that the oil-rich Middle Eastern kingdom had pledged to help the Gulf Coast area recover from Hurricane Katrina.
The money will underwrite Loyola's Qatar Scholarship Fund, which will be used during the next three years to underwrite 140 $10,000 need-based scholarships for students in the area Katrina slammed.
That grant was part of Qatar's $5.6 million payment, which was announced this week. Other beneficiaries were Humanity First USA, a Washington, D.C., organization that was given $1.17 million to repair two schools and five mosques in the New Orleans area, and Neighborhood Housing Services of New Orleans, which received nearly $3.1 million to provide subsidies as high as $25,000 to help people buy affordable local housing.

In its first announcement of storm-related grants, Qatar last year gave $12.5 million to Xavier University, $10 million to Tulane University and $3.3 million to Louisiana State University.

Being from the New Orleans area, I am very interested in what muslims have done to help those affected by Hurricane Katrina. I especially love articles that show a kindler, gentler, more giving side to muslims because we all know you don't see very much of that in the media nowadays. I thought of sister peaceful muslimah's post about breathalyzers when reading this. Kind of ironic that a country can spend millions of dollars to help victims on the gulf coast while ignoring some needs in their own country. Anyway, a big pat on the back for Qatar.

Y'all all look alike!

2006-12-09T13:39:00.000-08:00

Friday was my final day of my clinical internship and as they say "go out with a bang!"

Okay, so I'm the young Muslim lady walking around the hospital with a long navy blue skirt, navy scrub top, srub jacket, and matching navy blue hijab. There aren't many of me....or should I say I am the only one dressed this way.

The man in the supply room once asked, "what's up with the wrap?" All the pathology secretaries asked my supervisor, "What's up with your student?" You see the problem is not that I am muslim, but that I am a pasty white Muslim girl with blue eyes. I've caught many people off guard these three months. Yes, I have put on an iso gown, safety goggles, and gloves just like the rest of them. Yes, I have carried that severed leg to the Pathologist and handed her a saw to cut right into it. Was it my determination or work ethic that got their attention? NO, it was that scarf on my head and my unwillingness to wear pants.

I actually loved all of the interaction I had with my non-Muslim co-workers. I was given the opportunity to explain hijab, the beauty of fasting, and holiday traditions for 'eid. I shared some of my yummy Crescent cookies after 'Eid and got to sample tons of cookies for Halloween and Christmas. It was an eye opening experience for all of us. We learned that despite all of our differences we have one common thread: HUMANITY. We are all humans. In life, we have many of the same goals: to get married, have a family, a car, a house, send our children to a good school, and basically just live a content life.

When you see people as people you tend to judge them less. Yesterday, I wasn't seen as a person. I was on my way to lunch in the cafeteria. As I walk passed the vending machines I hear, "Hey! You!" A woman whom I will assume was a nurse(obvious because of the bright colored character print matching scrubs and stethoscope around her neck) grabbed my arm and asked, "Did you have your baby on the third floor?" A bit perplexed I replied, "No, I work in the pathology department on the second floor." What came out of this woman's mouth has to be the most ignorant thing heard my entire training period. She said, "Oh, well Ya'll all look alike!" I half smiled at her, turned around and continued on the the cafeteria.

The problem I have with this is that NO we don't all look alike. Just because I have a scarf on my head doesn't mean that everyone else in a scarf is my long lost twin. Do you think she would have been happy if I asked her if she worked in the cafeteria because all of you look alike(she was African-American).

You see many people can say my best friend is black or my best friend is Muslim, but this is really how it was for me growing up. We had the best neighbors. They didn't care about acting black or acting white...whatever that means anyway. They were 100% completely true to themselves. Our families were and still are the best of friends. We shared every holiday and big event in our life. We had thanksgiving and Christmas dinner together. We had a fish fry every Friday and boiled seafood or barbecued every single weekend. They were our family and we were theirs. Our families stood together in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina. Firemen with automatic weapons and MRE's, my family, their family, and many more families in our neighborhood stuck together. The neighborhood was filled with the sweet smell of barbecue and crab boil. Every house that wasn't evacuated got out their propane tanks, barbecues, and turkey fryers. They began cooking every bit of food in the fridge before it went bad. It wasn't about color, just people helping people. I learned that good people exist in every race or ethnicity and if you live your life by color barriers you will miss out on a lot of good things.

I hope that nurse can realize the discrimination she has overcome in her life to get an education and a good paying job to truly live the American dream. The cycle of discrimination, generalization, and racism must be broken.

She'll run away?

2006-11-23T14:19:00.000-08:00

My husband has finally decided to bring his mother over from Algeria. On the Eid day he talked to a friend who told him that his mother came to the U.S. by herself. You can pay a fee and someone will accompany her to the gate, show her where to sit while she waits, and even help her with her luggage. We were so excited because we know how happy she would be. She hasn't seen my husband in almost 11 years and has never seen our 3 year old son. I compared tickets, found information on the visa process, and I wrote an invitation letter.

A few days ago, I called my husband and he seemed upset. You could just tell in his voice that something was up. He let me know that his father doesn't want his mom to come. He says that she will get lost and he's never been away from her for that long. I'm thinking, "Oh, how sweet he is worried about her." Then my husband drops the bomb on me. He says my father won't renew her passport and won't tell me anything about it because he thinks she might run away. WHAT??? Why in the world would a woman with 9 grown children in her late fifties who has been married 30+ years run away from the only life and the only man she has ever known? To put it simply... She wouldnt! I became very upset. She is an adult. A grown woman. Not a child.
Does he really have that little faith in the woman who raised two of his children from a previous marriage, a child from a relative, and 9 children of her own. My husband let me know that his father thinks she may get lost going down the street and he doesn's know what might happen if she tries to go around the world. Maybe if he said that she couldn't travel without a mahrem then i could reason that, but running away? Give me a break.

I've been thinking a lot about her lately. I wonder what it must have been like to grow up in a French colony. What was it like to live in your own country, but treated like a second class citizen. How hard it must have been to never go to school and never learn to read or write. I blamed the French. I blamed the Algerian government who took over in the late 1960's after the war of independence. I blamed the people of Bab-el-Oued for not caring enough about their women, but mainly i blame my father in-law. He is a man who pledged his love and protection for this woman. When he married her he forgot that it was his responsibility to teach his wife. I'm sad that he may be accounted. I'm sad that for over 30 years he did not have the time to sit down and teach her how to read. I'm sure he taught his children, so why not his wife? It's really the mentality of the older generation. They are only worried about food and shelter. The husband provides a home and the wife cleans it. The husband brings home food and the wife cooks it. Food, house, and babies seem to be the extent of their relationship. How can I expect a man from that mentality to let his wife come to the U.S.

I realized that I cannot really be angry with him because that's who he is. We can't really expect anyone to change especially not an old man set in his ways. We're going to have to guilt him into letting her come. Lay it on really thick. InshaAllah we will get to see her soon.

Easy-Cheesy Potato Omelet

2006-11-17T22:38:00.000-08:00

I was 19 and staying with a friend in Orlando for the summer. I was completely bored and spent most of the time watching TV. It was that summer that I discovered the Food Network. I watched Emeril Lagasse cook a recipe from Camelia Grill in New Orleans. I was a student at Loyola University which was just a few blocks away from the famed restaurant.

After watching Emeril brown freshly cut hashbrown potatoes for this classic omelet I was hooked. This recipe is an adaptation of the original Camelia Grill recipe. I cooked this every weekend for my brother when I lived at home and now every weekend for my son. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do.

1 large russet potato
3 eggs
2-3 strips of breakfast beef (optional)
1/2 C sharp cheddar cheese, preferably cracker barrel or tillamook
splash of half and half
salt and white pepper
fresh chopped cilantro or parsley
pinch of cayenne
canola oil

Grate peeled potato with the larger holes on a box grater. Evenly spread potatoes inbetween two layers of paper towels. Presh firmly to remove extra starch.

If using, brown strips of breakfast beef. When cooked blot to remove excess fat and crumble into small pieces. Reserve bacon.

Heat 1-2T canola oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium high heat. When oil begins to shimmer, spread potatoes evenly in the skillet. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. When potatoes are browned flip the pancake like potatoes to cook on the other side.

Mix eggs, half and half, salt, pepper, cayenne, and herb of choice together very well. You want to beat until eggs are almost foamy. When potatoes are done lower the heat to medium low and pour eggs on top. Sprinkle with cheese. Stir until eggs are no longer runny. I like my eggs on the softer side. Just make sure they aren't overcooked.

To Blog or Not to Blog

2006-11-11T17:44:00.000-08:00

I thought I should start out with a little information about myself. I am a 25 year old, married, muslim-american woman. I live in the upper midwest with my husband and 3 year old son. I'm originally from the south and although i love it here now, I wasn't always so happy.

I've recently graduated with an associates degree in Histology and possibly finishing my bachelors in Healthcare administration next year. I am currently finishing an internship. I have just enough time to sleep, eat, work, study, and squeeze my prayers in.

I would like to say that I spend my spare time reading religious books, but that would be a HUGE lie. Didn't you know that muslims don't lie. At least I know that I am lacking the level of iman that I want. InshaAllah(god-willing) that is a step in the right direction. We can't change that which we don't acknowledge.

This blog will serve a few purposes:

1. To talk about icky stuff I see at the hospital: 20lb fat rolls, legs, fingers, toes, and who can forget the foot with the flesh-eating bacteria.

2. Complain about how much it sucks to be a wife and mom, but also how rewarding it can be when you realize how important the job is regardless of the recognition. How great it is when that little boy who lived inside of you looks at you with is big brown eyes and says "mommy i love you, now be a horse!" How wonderful it feels when my husband eats up everything on his plate, gets seconds, and licks his hands and the plate.

3. To showcase my cooking skillz...dats right i said skillz...YA HEARD!!! That was a little taste of the southerness that comes out from time to time.

4. To discuss random feelings or rants about anything I though was particularly annoying that day.

I wanted to thank my dear sister Organic Muslimah for encouraging me to blog. She has been a source of strengh and stability for me in the 4 years that we have known eachother. She is my best friend and one of the few people that I completely trust. She is an inspiration to me. She has showed me just how easy it can be to be better if you really want it. If you make one step towards Allah(swt) he will move many more towards you.