Sunday, November 18, 2007

Failure

I fell at work a few weeks ago. I remember walking down the street. It was a cool wet night. I tripped on a slippery cracked sidewalk. In what seemed like slowmotion I hit the ground. I saw it coming and tried everything to stop it. Do you know that feeling? The feeling of trying so hard. Fighting against the inevitable. When you realize you're going down it's already too late. You brace yourself hoping to soften the blow, but it seems as though you are running towards the ground and then you hit. It hurts. You get up, dust yourself off, check to see if anyone was looking, and keep walking.

I'm feeling the inevitable slowly creeping up on me. Only it's more of a rush and less of a creep. Does that even make sense? All my efforts go unnoticed. Not a single bit of gratitude. I pour out my heart and nothing is reciprocated. I wonder if he notices how much it hurts. He is never satisfied despite my best efforts. I mean it when I say this is my absolute best and it scares me that it's never going to be enough. Failure is inevitable.

How do I accept failure when there is so much at stake? I don't really have much of a choice. Unfortunately.......I see the ground getting closer and closer.

5 Comments:

Blogger UmmAli said...

Asalam Alaikum
Sis your not a failure. I can't speak for him, but I see you as a strong women that is fighting against all odds and doing her best. I know its hard dear and there is not words to make it better. Nothing anyone will say can take this feeling of failure away. You have to feel like your not before it will go away. You have to find what makes you feel worth while. Maybe someday I will find that to.

Love you sis.

3:16 PM  
Blogger UmmAbdurRahman said...

ummali thanks. the post is about failure. failing at something you work so hard at not me being a failure. subtle difference, but still different. make sense?

6:08 PM  
Anonymous umm yehiya said...

i feel you, sis.

:(

i'm sorry you're going through this...may Allah bless you with what is best for you, and put peace and ease in your heart. ameen.

11:42 AM  
Blogger UmmAli said...

Yeah a little. I feel like a failure most the time so I seem to fail at everything, so its hard for me to see the differnce. InshaAllah sis you will get though this.

5:41 PM  
Blogger wayfarer said...

(((virtual hugs)))

12:50 PM  

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