Saturday, February 16, 2008

BEWARE...Major Rant

In just over a week we will be remembering a very important day. That day, February 25th, will be 10 months since my husband left. Wow...almost a year already. It's been such a hard year and a few things stand out in my mind the most:
1. April 25, 2007- arrive at immigration office. He goes into a meeting and never comes back out. They took him off to jail while he waited to be deported. My son and I sat in the waiting room in shock.
2. Months of hour long drives(each way) just to look at him on a video monitor for 20 minutes.
3. Middle of July '07-moved him to another jail closer to home. Trying to get him closer to the airport I suppose. This jail was disgusting. We were treated like the famliy of murderers, which many were and could only see him a few times a week even though he was so close.
4. August 9, 2007-phone calls from unknown numbers start early in the morning. I ignored the calls until I couldnt take it anymore. It was him. He was back at the immigration office and was leaving that day. I talked to him for one hour(a call which cost $150 btw) and by 1pm he was gone. I didnt' speak to him until two days later when he was in algiers.
5. Present-still nothing going on in his case. No interview date set. I feel as though we are stuck in the same place. We are no closer to him coming home than we were 10 months ago and that is so frustrating.

Thinking about that little summary makes me want to crawl in my bed and cry. I haven't had a breakdown in quite a few months. Once I start crying, I find it extremely hard to stop. My chest hurts and I can't breathe. I occasionally cry a few tears to friends**, but I'm left fealing even more alone. My pain often times turns into complaints about their own lives. I'm dealing with the most trying experience of my life and I feel so alone. I've tried to reach out to others in their times of need, but it leaves me pissed because it makes me realize even more how little they care about me.

One sister called every week to check on me, but even she has stopped. My husband's friends threw some money at us 8 months ago. The money is gone and so are they. I get the feeling that I'm forgotten because I'm american. I've even been told that I was raised differently so it's easy. I'm american and this is the US what's the problem. I've also been reminded that my mom is here so I should be thankful.... I guess by here she meant in the US, but that doesn't do me much good considering she is 1400 miles away. I've also been told I should be happy he's an ocean away. My pain has been ignored and I have been forgotten about. I don't expect people to drop everything they are doing to help me, but I do expect a litle bit of concern and compassion. That is something, as of yet, I haven't received.

Even more upsetting than the complete lack of concern are those people who feel the need to talk shit about me. One woman, who was sitting right next to me, yelled in front of everyone "where is the woman whose husband is in jail?" Then there are other women who talk about me in front of my face. They are saying my name and looking at me out the corner of their eye. I understand bits and pieces of what's being said, but I cannot confront them because they will expain it away because I don't speak their language.

I know this post is hardly coherent. My mind is a jumbled up mess right now. May allah give me strength to make it through the next month. I will be in Algeria for a visit in about 6 weeks. I know it will be hard when I return, but I'm hoping it will energize me for the rest of the wait.

**This post isn't about one person in particular. It's a small sampling of situations I have encountered with people of all ethnicities. If you think I'm talking about you then maybe you should think about how upsetting your comments were to me. If you don't think it's about you that doesn't mean I'm happy with you either. I don't expect this to make anyone suddenly care. Just trying to make everyone aware.


Blogger Organic-Muslimah said...

I still think Abdu is the most hilarious kid on earth.

I am sorry and I promise to be a better friend in the future to you.

With all the good intentions in the world, I think people are dumb and don't understand the extent of something until they experience it themselves. It's hard to imagine what it means to be alone in a world filled with people. It's even harder to make sense of why things befall us.

You, out of all people, see people dying or struggling to live. I guess we feel more sympathy for those who are sick, but there are different types of struggles, they just look different from the outside.

You will be reunited with your husband inshAllah, you will watch your son grow to be the best Muslim son, citizen and husband and you will be happy again.

Never allow anyone to make you feel any less. If they say something negative, be negative right back. You won't be able to change people's beliefs, but you can change your reaction to it.

I pray for your happiness. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

Lots of love your way,
Aunty Organica

7:04 PM  
Blogger Ijtema said...

Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah

I usually leave a very generic "you've been selected" message, but I thought i'd make this one a tad more personal. Your entry really touched me, and I had to share it on IJTEMA, just in case a random du'a maybe answered on your behalf, insha'Allah.

May Allah grant you ease.


8:20 PM  
Blogger M. Landers said...

As-salaamu 'alaikom,

Prayers for you and the rapid reunification of your family, even if they are from just a random 'net stranger.

Best Wishes,

5:46 AM  
Blogger Solace said...

You have been through a lot, so don't worry if you are not completely coherent right now. Now one would be able to do better if they were in your shoes.

You and your family are in my prayers.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Faraz Ahmed said...

I'll make dua' that Allah (swt) makes it easy for you.

5:21 PM  
Anonymous Safiya Outlines said...

Salaam Alaikum,

May Allah swt help you and your family through this time. You are stronger then you know, masha Allah.

My thoughts and du'as are with you.

5:54 PM  
Blogger UmmFarouq said...

What a trial for you and your family, sister. Others may be numb to your suffering but Allah is not; inshaAllah, after the hardship comes the ease, and I pray that the ease for you is very, very soon.

10:48 PM  
Blogger Imraan said...

Dear sister in Islam, I wish there are some words I can offer to ease your pain, however I cannot imagine the suffering you are going thru' all I can do is offer a dua for you. Allah has given you tremedous tests. He tests those He loves greatly. I wish I could do more to assist.

10:54 PM  
Anonymous rahma said...

I think I may have recommended this website to you before, but there is a poster on named allousa who is almost at the end of her deportation drama. Her moroccan husband was deported a few years back and he should be getting his visa soon inshaAllah. Maybe she would be someone you could talk to who would understand.

Heck, you don't know me, but I'd be happy to be a shoulder to cry on :) rahmaa @

7:06 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

Awwwww..... honey, we're in the same city and a bit in the same boat (my hubsters in Cairo with no visa in sight) but I promise to be a shoulder to cry on not a crier on your shoulder.

Can we have dinner?

I also dislike arab women who come here to the us. Not to be confused with arab-americans who are radtastic.

But seriously, the crap I take from egyptian women in this city makes me want to puke.

anyways, I'd love to hang out with you.

And I promise I'm not a stalker.

10:03 AM  
Blogger UmmAbdurRahman said...

molly the difference with you and i is that i've been married for almost 6 years and we have a child. when you throw a child into the mix all things change. i think, allahu alim, i could deal much better if i didn't have this little man completely depending on me. he's old enough to understand and he misses his dad so much. they have a very close bond and this has been so difficult on both of them

Rahma: thanks, but i try to steer clear of those immigration forums. each case is so different that reading other's stories dont' really give you a clear picture of what's going on. One positive thing, if you can really call it positive, is that my son has a congenital heart defect. mashallallah alhamdulilleh he is healthy and no one would know. he has yearly checkups and it can actually take a turn for the worse at any time. this is our saving grace. inshaAllah this is the thing that will get him back. getting a waiver of a ban on reentry is extremely difficult.

thanks for the support everyone!

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

salam alaikum sis...
I found you through Ijtema...

I know I cant help much but I want to send you a warm hug and duas...

May Allah take good care of you and your family!


6:55 PM  
Blogger Mumina said...

Asalaam alaikum,

Oh Sis - I am very sorry to read about the ordeal with your husband. InshaAllah, Allah promises ease after hardship. Just remain strong, inshaAllah, both you and your husband. I hope you enjoy your time with him coming up, inshaAllah, and now that I know about this, I will make du'a for you and your family, inshaAllah.

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Muslimah In Training said...

My husband and I are also going through the immigration process. He is in America with me. I hate ummigration! It is a process that is far too long and stressful. My husband doesn't help to make it easier. If I don't nag him for months to follow up on his case he will never do it. It's been more then 2 years from when we first applied and still no green card. And our lawyer was a waste of our money. I hope things are speedy and fast so your family is made whole.

11:53 PM  
Blogger Molly said...

OK... Ummabdurahman. I certainly never said we were in the exact same boat or that my situation was in some way worse than yours. Its not, and I'd never say it was.

My point was to offer some friendship from someone who had an inkling of the pain of separation. But if thats not something you want, fine.

But please don't infer that I attempted to belittle your situation. I'm hoping thats not what you meant by your comment, but I can tell you that I felt offended and attacked by your response.

7:05 AM  
Blogger UmmAbdurRahman said...

molly no reason to feel attacked because that wasn't my intention. i was merely stating the differences between the two of us. you have to take a good honest look at the situation because I am. there is a huge difference between a husband and wife being separated and a father being separated from his son. it's not to say that one is easy and the other is's just different.

if you could understand that i've only slept 8 hours since saturday night maybe you would be a bit more forgiving :)

i just might have to take you up on that dinner offer if i can ever get some sleep.

9:58 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

ok, no offense taken then. I didn't think you really meant it, but I didn't know because that was how I felt.

Inshallah you get some sleep, and inshAllah we can meet for dinner. :)

8:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Assalamu alaikum:

I dont "know" you sister,but id like to extend some compassion and love your way..
i know how it feels to be away from the man you love for a very long time;although my son does not know what it like to not have a father around.So i can feel YOUR pain.And I also know what its like to have a son with a congenital heart defect because my son was born with a coarc of the aorta and an a/v canal defect.
Its a lonely time but this loneliness WILL end.When? Allahu alim.I can only say that you must be VERY patient(i know,that word again)and keep yourself very occupied with things until that time comes.Insha'allah,i hope it is soon....

9:55 AM  
Blogger UmmAbdurRahman said...

littlemissmuslim: my son had a coarc repair done when he was 10 months old. he also has a mitral valve defect and something else i can't remember. he has what's called shone's syndrome aka shone's anomoly. the prognosis is very grim and reading about it i see that most die very very young so alhamdulillah i feel blessed that he has made it this far and is relatively healthy.

thanks for stopping by

11:38 AM  
Blogger Umm Yehiya said...

Oh my God!!!! SubhanAllah!!!!!

UmmAbdu - I've never heard you say that much about what Abdu's condition is actually about. It sounds so scary!

May Allah continue to bless him with health, strength, and may he live a long and wonderful life and be blessed in the hereafter. I love that beautiful, bright little soul. Please give him a squeeze from Umm Yehiya.

7:34 PM  
Anonymous Muslim007 said...

Asalamolakum Sister,

I just read your post and it touched me deeply. I know some sisters in my local community who are going through similar trials in terms of husbands being arrested/jailed/deported. WHen we are being tested with trials and the people who should be our biggest source of support are insensitive and rude it is very easy to lose hope in humanity. Please know that someone who doesn't know you personally but knows that you are my sister in islam is making duaa for you. I pray that Allah will give you ease after hardship. I think that it is only tawajkul that keeps us going when we have nothing left inside.
I think in cases such as this a sisters support network is really important.

3:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Assalamu'alaikum Sis,

You'll be in my dua tonight.
May Allah give you strength... May He strenghten your son and continue to keep him in good health. Amin.

You'll be smiling again soon Sis, inshaAllah. It's a test. Be strong... and know that you're never alone.

11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"And put your trust in Allah, and Sufficient is Allah as a Wakil (Trustee or disposer of affairs)."

- Qur'an 33:3

You're in my thoughts *hugs*

1:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Saw this and thought of you:

“O Allah! It is You in whom I trust amid all grief.
You are my hope amid all violence.

You are my refuge and provision in everything that happens to me.
How many grievances weaken the heart,
leaving me with no means to handle them,
during which friend deserts me,
and enemy rejoices in it.

I lay it before You and complain of it to You,
because of my desire in You, You alone.

You relieve me of it and remove it from me.
You are the Master of all Grace,
the Essence of Goodness,
and the Ultimate Resort of all Desire.”

Sayyidna Hussain(AS)’s prayer in Karbala

(Your Sister in Islam *hugs*)

2:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cant imagine having my life turned up-side-down in such a way! You are stronger than you know and Insha Allah things will be sorted out and you will be reunited with your love. I send big hugs and kisses and so many dua's.


7:18 PM  
Blogger UmmAbdur-Rahmaan said...

Don't try to hide it I know you were talking about me......but just for the record I also say cooter...LOL....

11:37 AM  

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