She'll run away?
My husband has finally decided to bring his mother over from Algeria. On the Eid day he talked to a friend who told him that his mother came to the U.S. by herself. You can pay a fee and someone will accompany her to the gate, show her where to sit while she waits, and even help her with her luggage. We were so excited because we know how happy she would be. She hasn't seen my husband in almost 11 years and has never seen our 3 year old son. I compared tickets, found information on the visa process, and I wrote an invitation letter.
A few days ago, I called my husband and he seemed upset. You could just tell in his voice that something was up. He let me know that his father doesn't want his mom to come. He says that she will get lost and he's never been away from her for that long. I'm thinking, "Oh, how sweet he is worried about her." Then my husband drops the bomb on me. He says my father won't renew her passport and won't tell me anything about it because he thinks she might run away. WHAT??? Why in the world would a woman with 9 grown children in her late fifties who has been married 30+ years run away from the only life and the only man she has ever known? To put it simply... She wouldnt! I became very upset. She is an adult. A grown woman. Not a child.
Does he really have that little faith in the woman who raised two of his children from a previous marriage, a child from a relative, and 9 children of her own. My husband let me know that his father thinks she may get lost going down the street and he doesn's know what might happen if she tries to go around the world. Maybe if he said that she couldn't travel without a mahrem then i could reason that, but running away? Give me a break.
I've been thinking a lot about her lately. I wonder what it must have been like to grow up in a French colony. What was it like to live in your own country, but treated like a second class citizen. How hard it must have been to never go to school and never learn to read or write. I blamed the French. I blamed the Algerian government who took over in the late 1960's after the war of independence. I blamed the people of Bab-el-Oued for not caring enough about their women, but mainly i blame my father in-law. He is a man who pledged his love and protection for this woman. When he married her he forgot that it was his responsibility to teach his wife. I'm sad that he may be accounted. I'm sad that for over 30 years he did not have the time to sit down and teach her how to read. I'm sure he taught his children, so why not his wife? It's really the mentality of the older generation. They are only worried about food and shelter. The husband provides a home and the wife cleans it. The husband brings home food and the wife cooks it. Food, house, and babies seem to be the extent of their relationship. How can I expect a man from that mentality to let his wife come to the U.S.
I realized that I cannot really be angry with him because that's who he is. We can't really expect anyone to change especially not an old man set in his ways. We're going to have to guilt him into letting her come. Lay it on really thick. InshaAllah we will get to see her soon.
A few days ago, I called my husband and he seemed upset. You could just tell in his voice that something was up. He let me know that his father doesn't want his mom to come. He says that she will get lost and he's never been away from her for that long. I'm thinking, "Oh, how sweet he is worried about her." Then my husband drops the bomb on me. He says my father won't renew her passport and won't tell me anything about it because he thinks she might run away. WHAT??? Why in the world would a woman with 9 grown children in her late fifties who has been married 30+ years run away from the only life and the only man she has ever known? To put it simply... She wouldnt! I became very upset. She is an adult. A grown woman. Not a child.
Does he really have that little faith in the woman who raised two of his children from a previous marriage, a child from a relative, and 9 children of her own. My husband let me know that his father thinks she may get lost going down the street and he doesn's know what might happen if she tries to go around the world. Maybe if he said that she couldn't travel without a mahrem then i could reason that, but running away? Give me a break.
I've been thinking a lot about her lately. I wonder what it must have been like to grow up in a French colony. What was it like to live in your own country, but treated like a second class citizen. How hard it must have been to never go to school and never learn to read or write. I blamed the French. I blamed the Algerian government who took over in the late 1960's after the war of independence. I blamed the people of Bab-el-Oued for not caring enough about their women, but mainly i blame my father in-law. He is a man who pledged his love and protection for this woman. When he married her he forgot that it was his responsibility to teach his wife. I'm sad that he may be accounted. I'm sad that for over 30 years he did not have the time to sit down and teach her how to read. I'm sure he taught his children, so why not his wife? It's really the mentality of the older generation. They are only worried about food and shelter. The husband provides a home and the wife cleans it. The husband brings home food and the wife cooks it. Food, house, and babies seem to be the extent of their relationship. How can I expect a man from that mentality to let his wife come to the U.S.
I realized that I cannot really be angry with him because that's who he is. We can't really expect anyone to change especially not an old man set in his ways. We're going to have to guilt him into letting her come. Lay it on really thick. InshaAllah we will get to see her soon.
posted by UmmAbdurRahman at 2:19 PM
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